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robert payer
05-16-2002, 11:02 PM
Just thought to share a landscape joke. Maybe others have more?

Question: How does the DOGwood tree get its name?
Answer: From its BARK.

I know. All caps is yelling at this site. Just using it here in a different context.

Very wet turf lately in northern Ohio. Thought other could use some humor.

Lanelle
05-17-2002, 12:18 AM
Is that the Bradford Pear of jokes?

robert payer
05-22-2002, 12:48 AM
Any more trade related jokes any one?

robert payer
06-11-2002, 10:30 PM
No more jokes?

AGLA
06-11-2002, 10:55 PM
If you transplant a Cherry Laurel, is it still a Cherry Laurel?

.....sorry, it got a good laugh on the job.

robert payer
06-12-2002, 11:45 PM
Give a weed an inch and it will take a yard.

One year to seed; seven to weed.

Weed'um and reap!

What did Santa Claus say when he walked trough a garden?
Hoe! Hoe! Hoe!

What insect is musical? The Humbug.

What do you get if you cross a four leaf clover and poison Ivy?
A rash of bad luck!

What kind of atree has hands?
A palm tree!

I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died.

If April showers bring May Flowers, What do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims.

Bob Minney
06-13-2002, 06:48 PM
Top 10 signs that you've hired the wrong kid to rake your leaves

10. He charges you by the leaf.

9. He keeps asking where he should plug in his rake.

8.Picks up 1 leaf at a time, dips them in nacho cheese and eats them.

7.Says " This will just take a minute" and start soaking your lawn in gasoline.

6. Your neighbor calls and asks "Whos the naked guy chasin my dog with a rake.

5. Half an hour after he starts, you notice hes sitting on your back porch gnawing on your lawn furniture.

4. You recognize his work gloves from the OJ trial.

3. Comes to your door and says "I've had a long talk with the leaves and they've decided to stay".

2. Constantly reminding you that he used to be famous from those home alone movies.

1. His motto: Rake a leaf-Do a Shot

ianc
06-14-2002, 05:51 PM
Woman think Men are like paving stone!

If you lay them right, You can walk all over them for a lifetime

Vibe Ray
06-17-2002, 07:30 PM
What did the acorn say when it reached puberty?

GEOMETRY!

A.K.A. Gee, I'm a tree!

Pape's Landscape Maintenance
06-18-2002, 07:44 AM
I wish this thread would make like a "tree and leave". :p

steve

LawnLad
06-18-2002, 01:43 PM
Courtesy of Maxim...


How do you know if a blond is maintaining your landscape?


The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.

foxslawncare
06-18-2002, 06:26 PM
Northern Blonde

> > > A trucker stops for red light and a blonde girl catches up. She
knocks

>on
> > > the door and the trucker lowers the window. The girl says "Hi, my
name

>is
> > > Heather and you are losing some of you load." The trucker ignores
her
>and
> > > proceeds down the street.
> > >
> > > The trucker stops for another red light and the girl again
catches up.

>She
> > > knocks on the door and the trucker lowers the window and she says
"Hi
>my
> > > name is Heather and you are losing some of your load!" He ignores
her
> > again
> > > and continues down the street.
> > >
> > > The trucker stops for still another red light and the girl
catches up
> > again
> > > all out of breath. She knocks on the door and the trucker lowers
the
> > window.
> > > Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of
you
> > load!"
> > > He dismisses her and starts off down the street, then stops. The
>trucker
> > > gets out of the truck, approaches the blonde girl and says:
> > >
> > > "Hi, my name is Andy and I am driving a SALT TRUCK!"

robert payer
06-18-2002, 09:39 PM
Hey Foxcare,

Great joke! That one sure could cheer up some over worked snow plowers during the worst of storms.

Guido
06-20-2002, 06:07 PM
A young women was on her way back from work during a terrible blizzard one December night. The roads were getting very bad and she remembered some advice her father gave her a few years back. "If the roads get bad to drive in, just stay behind the plow truck until it gets closer to the neighborhood. Well the girl spotted a plow heading down the road and got behind it like her father told her to do. Well, after about 2 hours of following the truck during a normal 15 minute drive home, the plow truck operator got out of his truck and let the girl know " I just noticed you following me around. I'm done plowing the shopping center parking lot now, did you need something?

LOL :rolleyes:


I remember it being a little funnier, I must be telling it wrong or something?

neighborguy
07-06-2002, 07:20 PM
This old guy is walking down the street when he notices two young city workers working on the median. He notices that one of them is busting his hump digging a hole about 30" across and about 24" and then moving about 20 feet and digging another hole. THe second guy goes behind him and is filling in the holes as fast as the first city worker is digging them. The old guy watches this for a while to make sure his isn't hallucinating. He decides that he isn't and goes out to talk to the young guys.

Old guy "What are you guys doing out here?!?!"

City worker 1 (dumb look on his face) "What do you mean?"

Old guy "I mean; why are you digging these holes only to have
him fill them right back in?

The two city workers look at eachother and finally understand what the guy is talking about.

City worker 2 "Well the guy that plants the trees called in sick
today!"


I never said it would be a great joke.

David Haggerty
07-06-2002, 07:28 PM
What kind of mowers do they use on Waltons' Mountain?

lawnboy

bobbygedd
07-07-2002, 09:00 AM
during leaf season: "hows business?"....."business is great, we are really RAKING it in."

Planter
07-07-2002, 04:26 PM
Well, there was this eXmark driver that had a kid at high school. Seems a note got sent home that the principal wanted to see the dad about Junior. So dad stops at the school between cuttings and goes to the principal’s office. He wants to know what the problem is with Junior. The principal says, “You really have to see this, I just can’t explain it.” So the principal calls Junior down to the office. He turns to dad and says, “Watch this!” The says to Junior, “I want you to tell me who shot Abraham Lincoln.” Junior responds, “I don’t know and I don’t give a damn.” The principal turns to the dad and says, “See what I mean?” Dad is really upset, he grabs Junior’s shirt and pulls him to him until their faces are just inches apart. He looks Junior straight in the eye and very sternly says, “You answer the man and if you had anything to do with it you’re in BIG trouble.”

Gordon
07-20-2002, 03:45 PM
What do you call an Amish man with his arm up a horses rear end?


A mechanic

Gordon

Turfdude
07-20-2002, 10:49 PM
What kind of flowers got poked in the peepers??

Black-eyed Susans

Anonymous:(

AGLA
07-20-2002, 11:09 PM
Landscape designers do it on a table and then out in the field.

Vibe Ray
07-21-2002, 02:22 AM
AGLA....That's the corniest thing I've ever heard in my entire life!

AGLA
07-21-2002, 08:48 AM
Ray,

Your doing it wrong!

Sorry, I could not miss that set up. :angel: