Letter critique, what should I change?

[promower]

Can anyone or everyone critique my service ltter that I will be sending to a few properties I would like to bid on this season. Be mean, I am not an english major and want some advice. So just lay it out on the line. Keep in mind I will be adding my logo at the top of the page. Also I have looked a few of the past posted letters. Fanatsy lawns posted a letter so I hope it was all right that I used a few of his ideas.

February 02, 2002

Prperty Manager or Agent:

Matthews Lawn Service would like to be considered for any lawn care or property maintenance bids concerning properties in your portfolio. Matthews Lawn Service strives for an excellent quality of work and customer relations, at the lowest price possible. I believe we could reduce your current rate by up to 10%. Changing to a new lawn care provider can be a little scary and hard to shop around for when most companies demand a full season agreement. Matthews Lawn Service offers a two week trial agreement to allow you to test our service before making any long term decisions. You will find that our knowledge, skill and experience in this field to be of exceptional quality at a fair price.

We are able to provide lawn care for single family homes and buildings, condominiums, apartments, residential housing communities, and commercial properties. Our services include mowing, string trimming, edging, pruning, mulch application and removal.

Matthews Lawn Service is fully insured. We serve all of madison and surrounding areas. I am always available for any questions, concerns or requests. We offer our clients discount rewards for referrals, and many payment options that will best suit you or your company.

Spring is around the corner and hope to here from you soon! Have a great summer and I look forward to making your corner of the earth a greener place.

Phone: (608) 438-1374


Matthews Lawn service
Matthew Ruesch
Owner


Any advice on this would be great, this is only my second season and am still new at all this.

[bubble boy]

your english is fine.

your business theory is weak...unless the 10% undercutting statement is just to get their attention.

and you may want to reconsider the 2 week trial period.

[bruces]

Drop the undercutting. You have no idea if they are paying to little now. If I am doing the accoung now and losing money, why would you want it a 10% less?

Also, if it is a big account and they try you for 2 weeks and drop you, then you've got a hole in your schedule.

Also, need to capitalize Madison.

[kutnkru]

Dear Sir or Madam:

If you are considering a change of contractors and would be interested in receiving a trial lawn care package or property maintenance estimate please contact Matthew Ruesch at (608) 438-1374. I believe we could reduce your current costs by up to 10%. You will find that our knowledge, skill and expertise in this field to be unparalleled in both quality and value.

We currently provide lawn care to single and multi-dwelling homes, condominium and apartment complexes, and residential housing communities, commercial and industrial properties. Our basic services include expert mowing, string trimming and edging with options for pruning and mulch application or removal.

As a full service maintenance company we are able to serve all of Madison and surrounding areas. If you have any question’s or are interested in more information about our discount reward plans or any one of the many options we offer to best suit your company’s needs please feel free to cal us.

With spring right around the corner and I look forward to doing business with you soon, making your corner of the earth a greener place.

Respectfully,


Matthew Ruesch
Owner

[promower]

Thanks for the advice. And as far as the reducing someones someones cost by possible 10% is really just to get them on the phone. Lowballing isnt good for the industry or my paycheck. Really appreciate the advice so far, I love this forum so many of my questions have been answered without even having to post them. Thanks again

[devildog]

..........and always use the word professional when possible. If you have uniforms, insert that tag. Uniforms denote a higher class of service provider. With regards... devildog