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David Hartzog
10-04-2000, 11:42 PM
Dear,

It is indeed a pleasure to welcome you as a new customer of Eufaula’s Finest Lawn Service. I hope to please you always.
I attempt to show my appreciation for the business given me by rendering a service which is just a bit more than is expected. I am constantly on the alert to service your lawn with the finest quality possible. Therefore, no matter what service that I provide for you, I will make sure that it is done to the highest quality possible.
I sincerely hope that you are pleased in every respect in doing business with me. It shall be my endeavor at all times to see that you are entirely satisfied.

Sincerely,

stick9
10-05-2000, 07:08 PM
Why not make it into a nice paragraph instead a bunch of single sentences? Have the first two sentences be by themselves, then have the rest be one paragraph underneath it.

You really scare me with "I hope to please you always". You sound like Yoda. Put "It is my mission to make sure that you're are as satisfied with your lawn service as possible." or something to that extent.

Instead of "a bit more then expected", how about just "more then expected"? (lose the bit part)

Lose "with the finest quality possible". You finish it in the next sentence.

Instead of "what service I provide for you", how about "what service I'm providing you with" (kind of a subliminal for reassurance of future dealings).. and, instead of "I will make sure" .. change to "You can be sure that it will be done to my exceedingly high standards"

Instead of "entirely satisifed" change to "completely and sincerely satisfied" (which gives the impression that #1, you WANT to make it perfect for them and #2, you will be approachable if something is not done to their expectations)

Just some suggestions.
stick-nINE

Charles
10-05-2000, 07:17 PM
People have probably had bad lawn services before let them expect you to be bad also. Then just do a great job and supprise them. Better to have them have low expectations and you do good work. Than for them to have too high of expectation. Just trash the whole letter idea lol. Show them don't write them.

greenlawncare
10-05-2000, 07:27 PM
David,

Looks pretty good.

Suggestions:

"which is <b>just a bit</b> more than is expected"
-This contradicts "done to the highest quality possible"
If you are going to do the best quality humanly possible it better be a heck of a lot greater than just a bit more than expected.

-also. I think that you might be repeating yourself. It is obvious that you really want to hammer home how hard you will work to get their satisfaction. But stating it once will do.

<b>How about:</b>




Dear,

It is indeed a pleasure to welcome you as a new customer of Eufaula’s Finest Lawn Service.

I greatly appreciate your business, and I will make every effort to ensure that your experience with my company is a pleasurable one. I will strive to ensure that no matter what service my company provides for you, it will be performed with the highest level of quality. It shall be my endeavor to see that you are entirely satisfied at all times.

Thank you again for becoming a customer of Eufaula’s Finest Lawn Service. Please feel free to contact me with any questions you may have at (555) 555-1212.

stick9
10-05-2000, 07:33 PM
Last guy ..

sounds good, but easy on the ensures :)

STICk-ninE

greenlawncare
10-05-2000, 07:39 PM
read it over a couple times too. Funny how you don't pick things up reading your own work, when other can right away!

David Hartzog
10-06-2000, 09:16 AM
Thank you all i am so glad we have this site to help each other out.

stick9
10-06-2000, 11:21 PM
Dave..

What did you change your thank-you letter to? I'm curious to see after all the replies.

stiCK-NINE

HOMER
10-08-2000, 09:05 AM
Hey Dave, I met a guy from Eufala the other day. Drove a Ford dually and had a 72" Lazer with him. Seemd like a nice guy.

Homer

HOMER
10-08-2000, 10:14 PM
David, the name of the business was Nature Landscsapes.

Homer

Greenkeepers
10-09-2000, 11:42 AM
Homer

You can only edit for the 1st 2 hrs or so after a post..

Is that why you had the ????

Mike
Greenkeepers

HOMER
10-10-2000, 07:41 AM
Thats what the ???????????????? were for. I read that after I tried to edit! I gotta get used to this new format, it changed during my abscence.

Homer