For all you that are smarter than me

[MCS Lawn Care]

i dont know if this is the right place but , this a letter im planning to send to my new customers let me know what you thing should be changed

thank you,
chris

[pjslawncare/landscap]

Sounds pritty good Chris exept needs slight editing. ill should change to Ill and the paragraph "I’m very pleased to be able to say that all of the services he provided to you will be continued for the price and will also be able to offer additional services that he was not able to provide"I’m very pleased to be able to say that all of the services he provided to you will be continued at the same price and I will also be able to offer additional services that he was not able to provide
I think your letter describes things pritty well though. I wish you much luck! :)

[LawnPerfect]

pretty

[GBCS]

It needs some improvement, but think of it as a first draft. Try to make it shorter and to the point and fix things like, " A little about myself as Erik", "What does that mean to you? Well nothing", "high standards in your lawn care", "will be continued for the price"

etc... If I have the time I will post all the changes for you. Good luck.

[LB Landscaping]

I think it looks good and will be even better with the inprovements you mentioned. Try leaving out the last line where you apologize for the letter being long.

[olderthandirt]

I would drop the part about the part time, it's none of your customers business. Plus I think you will be able to raise your prices easier if they thought you were full time. I would not pay a guy that does plumbing part time the same rate that I would expect to pay a plumbing company and I think the same would apply here especially with the additional services your offering.

Mac

[dvmcmrhp52]

You lost me right from the start when you said " for all you who are smarter than me"...........that left me right out!

[gogetter]

I think you have the right idea, but I hope that was just a rough draft! You have a LOT of editing to do! Many misspelled words, poor punctuation, etc.

I would have someone sit with you and go over it, and make corrections as they find them (it would be easier for someone to do if they are right there with you).

I would also consider adding that you are available if they'd like to meet with you in person, whether to just say hi and introduce yourself, or to talk about their property.

They may be uncomfortable about signing up with someone that haven't even met face to face yet.

Good luck.

[GBCS]

My letter is not perfect, but I think it will represent what you are trying to say better. I added gogetter's point at the end.


Dear valued customer,


My name is Christopher Story and I purchased S&K Lawn Care from Erik Kaufman, your current lawn care provider. As of December 2003 I have renamed S&K Lawn Care to MCS Lawn Rescue. Be assured that my new company will exceed Erik’s high standards in maintaining your lawn.

As a Firefighter/EMT professional, my schedule allows me more time to service your property and offer you more services like the following.

· Mulching
· Spring and fall clean ups
· Complete pond installation
· Snow removal
· And much more

If you are interested in any of these services please don’t hesitate to ask me more about them.

Notice my Estimate/Bid for your property is the same price you had with Erik’s service. Additionally you will see that I offer yearly contracts that start on the first week of April and ends on the first day of November, which is easier for both of us when it comes to billing. By choosing the yearly service you will notice a cost savings over your current payment option. If you want to take advantage of this saving all you need to do is pay in full by the first week of April. Enclosed is an example of the way your new invoice will look. I tried to make them as easy to read and understand as possible.

If you have any question about this letter please don’t hesitate to call me at 555-1212. I am also available to meet with you in person to discuss any of your lawn care needs.


Thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you soon.


Sincerely,



Christopher Story
MCS Lawn Rescue

[Doster's L & L]

Yes, GBCS has it right! The original rambled a bit. This is more to the point and is more professional. Grammatically correct too, i might add.

[Team Gopher]

Great post GBCS! It looks good.

[bobbygedd]

my opinion mcs: telling them you are running this business part time is a no no. they will feel that the service may suffer. if at anytime you run into trouble and can't make it, they will think it's cus of the other job. also, they will always think the pricing is too high, after all, why so much, it's only a part time business? i'm only telling you of my experiences. i was part time alot of years. 2004 will be my first year full time. good luck

[Soupy]

Did Erik use contracts? If not, Then you might scare them off useing the "C" word.

Also, I wouldn't mention anything about your other Job. They might think Erik sold you the business because he could't handle 2 jobs. This will make them think you will end up doing the same.

[MCS Lawn Care]

thanx for all the support ill post the revised letter later, my sister in law is a professor of public relations so she is going to take a look for me.

chris

[walker-talker]

too many details