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cjs27554
04-06-2004, 01:50 AM
THE WEATHER HAS BEEN GREAT THE LAST TWO DAYS... SUNSHINE! TEMP IS STILL PRETTY LOW, MID-UPPER 50'S I THINK. ON THE WAY HOME, E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E WAS OUT MOWING THEIR YARDS! I GOT A LITTLE EXCITED ABOUT IT... THOUGHT I'D DO SOME MOWING OF MY OWN! YEAH BABY!

SO, I GET CHANGED AND DRAG BOTH MOWERS OUT OF MY GARAGE. WHILE I'M PICKING UP THE YARD, ONE NEIGHBOR COMES OUT AND BEGINS TO MOW HIS LAWN. I THINK..."WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY! EVERYONE'S MOWING THEIR YARDS. HOW NICE!"

I FINISH PICKING UP THE YARD AND START FILLING UP THE GAS TANKS ON BOTH MOWERS. NOW ANOTHER NEIGHBOR COMES OUTSIDE. HE SMILES AND WAVES... I SMILE AND WAVE BACK KNOWING WE BOTH WILL HAVE BEAUTIFUL MANICURED LAWNS IN ABOUT 30 - 45 MINUTES.

WHAT MAKES THIS SO SPECIAL IS...THE RIDING MOWER! WHILE THESE OTHER GUYS (NEIGHBORS) ARE OUT PUSHING THEIR MOWERS... I'LL BE RIDING MY GRASS MULCHING POWER CUTTING BEAST!!!! HA, HA, HA! I STRADDLE THE SEAT TAKING A MOMENT TO GLANCE AROUND. YEP, THEY'RE WATCHING ME IN ENVY BABY!!!

DRAMATICALLY I TURN THE KEY IN THE IGNITION...AND HEAR NOTHING. I TRY IT AGAIN... NOW A FAINT CLICKING SOUND CAN BE HEARD OVER THE NOISE OF MY NEIGHBORS' LAWN MOWERS. WHAT WAS THAT? I TURN IT AGAIN... THE BIG 12.5 HORSEPOWER BRIGGS AND STRATTON MOTOR STARTS TO TURN... THEN STOPS. IT WOULDN'T START.

I GLANCE UP AGAIN TO SEE MY NEIGHBORS SMILING AT ME AS THEY CUT THEIR GRASS... BASTARDS! THEY'RE LAUGHING AT ME INSIDE, I KNOW THEY ARE!

I CONTINUE TO TRY, THE ENGINE WOULD START TO TURN, SOMETIMES I'D HEAR A CLICKING SOUND, SOMETIMES NOTHING AT ALL. I PUSHED IT UP AND DOWN THE DRIVEWAY, OPENED UP THE "HOOD" AND PROBED AROUND WITH A SCREW DRIVER (HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I WAS TRYING TO DO... MUST'VE BEEN A SCREW IN THERE THAT NEEDED TO BE TIGHTENED OR LOOSENED!) TOOK THE CARBURETOR COVER OFF AND LOOKED AT THE AIR FILTER. PUT THAT BACK TOGETHER AGAIN. REPEATED THIS ENTIRE PROCESS ABOUT THREE TIMES, NO LUCK!

ONE NEIGHBOR IS NOW DONE WITH HIS ENTIRE LAWN... HE'S SWEEPING UP A FEW CLIPPINGS THAT REMAIN ON THE SIDEWALK. HE SMILES AND WAVES AT ME... I DON'T WAVE BACK.

SO, NOW I FIGURE I'LL JUST HAVE TO USE THE PUSH MOWER. OH, WELL... I NEED THE EXERCISE ANYWAY. I CHOKE IT, GIVE THE THROTTLE THE 1-2-3 BACK AND FORTH THING, PULL THE CORD AND......NOTHING. I PULL THE CORD 5 - 6 MORE TIMES.... NOTHING. SO, IT MUST BE FLOODED.

NOW I GO BACK TO THE RIDING LAWN MOWER. I CHECK THE OIL THIS TIME... IT LOOKS OK TO ME. ABOUT THIS TIME... A TRUCK PULLS UP TO MY OTHER NEIGHBORS HOUSE. THREE GUYS HOP OUT. TWO GRAB LAWN MOWERS AND THEY START THEM UP ON THE FIRST PULL (OF COURSE!). THE OTHER GUY PULLS OUT THE EDGER AND GOES TO WORK. OCCASIONALLY THEY GLANCE UP AT ME AS THEY ATTACK MY NEIGHBORS YARD.

MEANWHILE, I'M CHECKING THE OIL ON THE PUSH MOWER... IT LOOKS GOOD TOO! I DON'T THINK THE OIL HAS A WHOLE LOT TO DO WITH STARTING THE DARN THING... BUT I FEEL BETTER BECAUSE I CHECKED IT. MY DAD USED TO CHECK THE OIL A LOT, I KNOW IT'S PRETTY IMPORTANT. AND YES, THE SECOND NEIGHBOR IS FINISHING HIS YARD NOW TOO. HOW NICE. HOW VERY WONDERFUL THAT MUST FEEL. OH, BUT WAIT, HE'S GOT A GAS POWERED BLOWER! HE BEGINS BLOWING THE LEFT OVER DEBRIS INTO THE STREET... HE PAUSES, OF COURSE, TO SMILE AT ME.

I START PULLING THE CORD AGAIN... NOTHING. I PULL IT ABOUT 20 TIMES, I'M GETTING A LITTLE FRUSTRATED.

THE FIRST NEIGHBOR IS COMPLETELY DONE WITH HIS YARD. THE THREE "WILL MOW FOR HIRE" BOYS HAVE TRANSITIONED TO BLOWERS, SWEEPING, ETC.

I DO THE 1-2-3 THING WITH THE THROTTLE ABOUT 20-30-40 TIMES. I PUSH THE CHOKE IN AND OUT ANOTHER 50. INTERMITTENTLY I'M YANKING ON THE DAMN CORD AS HARD AS I CAN... LIFTING THE PUSH MOWER OFF THE DRIVEWAY EACH TIME.

THE SECOND NEIGHBOR IS DONE... HEíS STANDING WITH THE FIRST NEIGHBOR. YES, THEY'RE WATCHING ME.

OH, THE THREE AMIGOS WITH THEIR CART-FULL-O-FUN, THEY'RE DONE ALSO. I THINK I SEE A SMIRK ON THEIR FACES.

I GO BACK TO THE RIDING MOWER... I RIDE IT DOWN THE DRIVEWAY TRYING TO "POP THE CLUTCH" LIKE I DID ON MY OLD 67 MUSTANG. IT WORKED WITH THE CAR... IT DOESN'T WITH A MOWER. I DID MAKE A LOT OF NOISE SKIDDING TO A STOP EACH TIME!

THE GUYS IN THE TRUCK HAVE LOADED UP ALL THEIR GEAR... THEY POLITELY HONK THEIR HORN AND WAVE AS THEY DRIVE AWAY. HOW VERY SPECIAL.

I GLANCE ACROSS THE STREET, MY TWO NEIGHBORS HAVE SUMMONED THEIR WIVES AND CHILDREN. APPARENTLY SOMETHING IS PRETTY ENTERTAINING... BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL STARING OUT THEIR WINDOWS. ONCE AGAIN THEY WAVE THAT WARM LITTLE FRIENDLY CHEERFUL WAVE NEIGHBORS DO.

SOMEHOW I RESTRAIN MYSELF FROM SCREAMING PROFANITY AT ALL OF THEM AND RUINING THE VIRGIN EARS OF THE BEAUTIFUL LITTLE CHILDREN. I HAVE JUST ENOUGH STRENGTH AND PATIENCE IN ME TO PUSH BOTH MOWERS BACK INTO THE GARAGE AND PRESS THAT LITTLE ORANGE LIT BUTTON THAT MAKES MY AUTOMATIC GARAGE DOOR GO DOWN.

YEP... MY LAWN IS NOW THE ONLY LAWN ON MY STREET THAT DOESN'T HAVE THAT "FRESH CUT" LOOK.

jajwrigh
04-06-2004, 07:25 PM
This is posted in the wrong forum.....

CamLand
04-06-2004, 07:56 PM
my goodness the Caps are driving me crazy, stop it now...