View Full Version : daycare, or home with mom???

08-10-2004, 08:48 AM
well i caught some grief on emails from other members who became insulted over my remark about putting a child in daycare. that was not meant to offend anyone, except of course vee dee. and even to him, things should not be taken personally, this is a forum, i don't know you people, and never will. to my question: when my wife became pregnant the first time, and the dna results came in , she quit her job. we thought this was important so she could be with our kids as a full time mother. this was possible, because i had marketable skills that allowed me to make a good living, and enough drive and ambition to have a part time business on the side to more than make up for her losing her income. for this i am greatful. given the choice, would you send your kids to daycare 8 hrs a day, or keep mom home with them?

08-10-2004, 09:20 AM
Absolutely keep mom at home, as much as possible. Probably the extent to which my wife would work out of the home would be like 20 hrs/wk. We don't have any children yet, but when we do, I will be working my tail off, I can't wait....really. I believe that being a housewife is work, when there are kids involved.

08-10-2004, 09:39 AM
My wife stays at home with our 2 kids. I'm a programmer with a lawn business on the side (For now)

i listen to dave ramsey a lot he was saying the other day that it takes 30-35k on average for a mom(or dad) to go to work and put the kids in daycare. that is basically what we figured also. Its not worth her working just to pay for daycare and stuff. We don't want our kids raised in day care anyway. The do go to mothers day out just to give here some breaks throughout the week.

08-10-2004, 09:40 AM
Originally posted by bobbygedd
well i caught some grief on emails from other members who became insulted over my remark about putting a child in daycare.
I don't know what comments you're talking about, but i wouldn't leave my daughter at one of those places. My wife works part time, and goes to school full time, and i work alot during the week, but we still manage out fine. We do have help though from both sets of grandparents whenever we need a sitter during the day, so i guess we're lucky. But i would never drop her off at one of those day care, especially 8 hours a day! we'd rather be a part time workers, then a part time parents. besides, the cost of the day care in NYC is rediculous. I have a customer who pays around $950 a week!!!

But some don't have the options I have, and have no choice. that's one of the many reasons i wanted to work for myself, so i could have the free time option to deal with my growing family, and to supplement my income to make up for the time i'd have free.

08-10-2004, 09:48 AM
With out at doubt - stay at home.

My wife stays home w/ my 3 yr old and 6 yr old. I would not have it any other way. I work FT and have a home improvement business on the side.

BTW-My own sisters called me a male chauvinist for wanting her home. I wear it like a badge of honor!

08-10-2004, 09:52 AM
My wife stays at home...

C & T
08-10-2004, 09:58 AM
My wife stayed home for a while but she wanted to go back to work. Around where I live day care runs about $1300 to $2000 a month. That's a mortage payment. I work a full time job and I have a small landscape business on the side to supplement my income. My wife works full time know and both of my kids are in daycare. $358.00/week. Once they are done with daycare I am going into the landscape business full time - only 2 more years. We tried having my wife work part time but with most daycares you really don't save much $ by having your kids go part time.


CRM Lawncare
08-10-2004, 10:00 AM
My in-laws own a daycare and they run a one of the better ones in my area, however I still wouldn't leave my 15 month old with the 6.00 per hour punk azz kids that they hire to "care" for the kids. My wife stays at home and its a struggle some times financially but its worth it in the long run.

08-10-2004, 10:31 AM
My wife works 20 hours / week as an RN.

My parents live on one side of us, and my wife's mother lives on the other side of us.

My dad's retired and watches our son when my wife has to work during the day, and if my wife works in the evening, then anyone of the grandparents will watch him.

08-10-2004, 10:51 AM
My child goes to the best daycare in our county ( probably the most expensive too ) from 10:00 to 4:00 m-f. She is 4 now and has loved it from the time she started at 2. I think it depends on your situation as to what you do, If you try to keep up with the jones's and end up in the poor house the jones's won't let you live in their basement. They will just laugh at you, and then you will leaugh at yourself and say f---- you Mr. Jones your s--- stinks just as bad as mine. JMHO.

08-10-2004, 11:00 AM
We have had to do the child care thing as a last resort, was a great facility and obviously if we didn't have to we wouldn't of.

we have used after school care for the last few years too, hate that but with wife working and me with mowing no choice, can't survive on 1 wage here, and our mowing isn't as profitable as yours...

The ideal situation is wife raises kids and shouldn't need to work, in my world this just wasn't practical.

Starting a month ago the kids catch a bus home so no need for expensive after school care, it works as we are in a drought winter and no work on, saves a fortune though and more time with the kids.

we do what we have to to survive, what we want and what we can do in reality are often 2 seperate things.

For those who can have the ideal situation of wife at home raising the kids etc, you are very lucky, kids don't stay young long enough, treasure every moment you can with them, time is wasted at daycares...imo.

08-10-2004, 11:10 AM
my wife stays home with our two 3 year olds. it's unfortunate that the society we live in, parents are forced to put their kids in daycare just to make ends meet.

08-10-2004, 01:22 PM
Greatest part about being your own boss. The wife works weekends while I work week days. If she gets called in for extra overtime I can rearange my schedule to accomidate her. The only time my kids are in day care is occasionally in the spring and fall when we are so busy with cleanups we have to work week ends.

GreenQuest Lawn
08-10-2004, 01:58 PM
My wife works but our daughter stays with family. Either my mom, sister, or my aunt. If I was forced into daycare I would make sure one of us was home.

My son is 12, he goes to many different places in the summer, I guess where ever seems the most fun.

08-10-2004, 03:40 PM
Ok,so what is wrong with daycare? i'm curious to know...

08-10-2004, 03:46 PM
it was a question of everyones preference. i didn't say there was anything wrong with it. my PREFERENCE is to not use daycare. just my preference, that's all

08-10-2004, 03:53 PM
i've always thought one good thing about daycare is that the kids build better social skills faster.

08-10-2004, 05:03 PM
Depends if you want other kids developing your kids social skills... or want to develope them yourself.

Personally, I would send the wife out to work...and find a good job for the little one as well.

If your the King of your castle...You'd get those lazy waifs out there to support you.

Me... I'm just a serf of the Queen.

08-10-2004, 05:08 PM
when my wife became pregnant the first time, and the dna results came in , she quit her job.

Bobby, that was hillarious. I am still laughing about that comment!

Yah, I am with you. My wife quit her $55K per year job when we had our first son and hasn't gone back. She stays home with our 2 kids and raises them. I am 100% for that, if you can afford to do it - and it's worth being creative to find a way to make it work. It's definitely the best option.

Ok,so what is wrong with daycare? i'm curious to know...
A lot of daycares these days are great. But no matter how nice the daycare is, your child is always going to get more personal attention, learn more of your values, get more time with people who truly love him, etc. than he ever would at the best day care.

08-10-2004, 05:12 PM
My wife had to work as at the time I was a highly paid E-5. We were blessed with some great Child Care Providers. She not only learned social skills but also they expanded on her preperation for school that she was recieving at home. The last one even had a class to teach the kids water safety and swimming. The children I felt sorry for was the parents that would drop them off at 6 in the morning and rush to pick them up at 6 at night.

08-10-2004, 06:29 PM
my wife has never in our 30 years of marriage worked outside the home.she did work a few weeks with me and thats the closest to a outside job she has had ..nobody looked after our older boys when they were little but family ...nobody looks after my twin daughters now but family on the rare ocassion they need looking after .

I made a very good liveing and made very good investments .And it was and is very important to have mama at home with the kids .
And her being a good siclian girl thats the way she wanted it to.

Up North
08-10-2004, 06:44 PM
Our boys age 3 and 8 months are at home with mom. We've been going back and forth about whether she should go back to work or not, and she may do so on a part time basis, and see if we can work the schedule so that I'm home when she isn't. I think moms need a break as being a mom is more then a full time job. It's a 24 hr. job, everyday, all week, etc.

But I don't think anything can beat having a mom at home in the early stages of life.


08-10-2004, 06:55 PM
To keep my daughter home with her mother is why I break my gomado's doing this job. Well worth it though.

Gr grass n Hi tides
08-10-2004, 06:59 PM
Originally posted by CamLand
Ok,so what is wrong with daycare? i'm curious to know...

First off, to answer Bobby my preference is kids with family. I can count the number of times on about 3 fingers that my girls have been in baby sitter situation & I damn sure didn't make the arrangements. That's another story.

I've built up a lot of trust my with girls, most especially noticable with my 9 yo now of course because she's so much more mature. One place my 9 yo was at when she was about 5, she told me that "Ms. ____ hit her on the bottom." We talked about this before & I was very glad she came to me with it. So, I asked her to describe what happened & she did. I got all the details & it was BS on the sitter's part, trust me. I reassured my daughter that she did nothing wrong, that the "sitter" had a problem and I don't approve of the way she handled it, that she would not be going back there, and that I was going to talk with the sitter & she would have to deal with me.

I went to the sitter for a face to face talk. She denied it. I let her off easy saying "listen, I believe my daughter and even more importantly I need her to trust me..........I told her to come to me with these sorts of things which we discuss and she did..........she won't be coming back here..........now if this is a misunderstanding I'm sorry but I won't be giving out any referrals either." She didn't have anything to say.

At any rate........this is one of many reasons why you don't get sitters/daycare if you can avoid it. A great preschool is different. Very beneficial. My oldest went to Montessori for 3 years & my young one (4) put in her first year last year. This was by choice, by the way, not necessity. IF someone MUST use a daycare...............I suggest looking into an educational curriculum instead, like Montessori school. Compare rates. Sit in on a class or two. You'll be pleased & your children will get an incredible jump start. Very advantageous. My oldest could have very easily skipped a grade but weighing that against the social situation of having a 15.5 year old as a high school senior wasn't enough to tip the scale.

08-10-2004, 07:08 PM
My wife stayed at home with my son for a few monthes and it absolutely drove her nuts, even though she never admitted it. He now goes to day care and she goes to work. She is happier and a better mom and wife. I get home at 3:30 and I play with my son until 10:00 when we all go to bed. We spend the weekends together. He is learning a lot of social skills, some good, some bad. But that is where parenting comes in. If you need to spend all day with your kids to be a good parent, then your not spending quality time with your kids. IMO If we felt it was better for our son to stay home he would. But this way our family makes more money to do more things. My wife isn't making excuses for not getting house cleaning done when she is home all day, and I am happier because I know my wife is doing something instead of watching Jerry Springer all day. Daycare works for us.

08-10-2004, 07:13 PM
Wife has been home for 10 years. It is much better to have her home with the kids, than a stranger raising the kids. We have done without somethings because there is not always alot of extra money, but it is well worth it.

08-10-2004, 07:22 PM
My wife is an RN but doesn't work outside the home. With all the gardening that we do and the canning that she does, and homeschooling 8, she works harder than most women who work outside the home. Most of the time a family can live on one income if they are willing to make a few sacrifices and lifestyle changes. It's usually not the NEEDS but the WANTS that cause mom to work. And with what it costs her to work, she's not netting that much anyway, unless she makes really good money.

08-10-2004, 07:24 PM
If you need to spend all day with your kids to be a good parent, then your not spending quality time with your kids.

I don't think it's an issue with needing to spend all day with your kids in order to be a good parent. I think the issue is not subjecting your kids to the negative attitudes, beliefs, etc. that others have.

It'd be great if everyone were great parents. But a lot of parents are not so great. And they have created little hellions with bad attitudes, anger problems, foul mouths, bully mentalities, etc. And these attitudes rub off.

You even admit yourself...

He is learning a lot of social skills, some good, some bad.

It's the SOME BAD that concerns me. I know I can't totally shelter my kids their entire lives. But the early years is when they are most influencedl. My son's cousin is about the same age as my son and in daycare every day of the week. The words that come out of his mouth, anger problems, attitudes, etc. are a direct result of the influence he gets at daycare - and an indirect result of his parents not stopping the behavior.

My point is - I don't want to have to stop the behavior. With my 3 yr. old son, there IS none of that kind of behavior. He's kept in check all of the time and never gets a chance to be influenced by other kids who don't have good parents. He's one of the sweetest, kindest kids you'd ever meet. And we get told that all the time. This isn't by mistake. It's a direct result of the influence he gets in his daily life.

I've seen kids of all ages who were raised up in daycares and also lots who were raised up at home. Hands down, the better kids are always the ones who are raised in a good home. This is ON AVERAGE of course. Not saying that there aren't good kids in daycare. Just saying that - ON AVERAGE - your chances are much better on having a good, well behaved kid with good attitudes, when he is raised at home than it is to have the same kind of kid when he is raised in a daycare.

You can argue with that all you want. But most people reading this I think recognize this to be true.

Gr grass n Hi tides
08-10-2004, 11:21 PM
Originally posted by JimLewis
You can argue with that all you want. But most people reading this I think recognize this to be true.

I'll agree 100%.

I'm not bashing anyone in particular, but I think needing to be away from your child on a regular basis in order to be happier as a person is a symptom of something else. Same goes for working so you can "do the things you want with money" instead of spending that time with your child - which is very common these days.

Money is nothing more than a trade off for something else. So someone please tell me...........how much cash is a day, or even a moment with your child worth? Think about it, because you are fixing a price. I'm talking earnings beyond meeting necessities. Work an 8 hr. shift & how many thousands of moments did you miss with your child, who will be 1 or 2 or 3, etc., years old only once? Time you could have spent with your child. Certainly, the child wants that time with YOU. Maybe only those who have to do without at times or experienced a loss can relate to this, I dunno.

I think "quality time" is nothing more than two words put together that are over-used and pretty meaningless. A placebo for the hurried, rushed, or otherwise occupied. In today's society it's a term that's supposed to make you feel better about spending less time with your children. I call it B.S. Sure.........making the most of the day is one thing, that's how everyone should live. That's exactly what this is about though..... a choice between being with your child and not being with your child when you have the opportunity to be with them.

08-10-2004, 11:56 PM
Home with MOM.............:D

08-11-2004, 12:46 AM
I've been around daycare kids and I'd shoot myself if my kids acted like that. My wife is an RN but gave it up to raise my three sons. I've got the six year old running my turf tiger so hopefully he'll be able to help me in about two years on some flat properties. I figure I've got about 15 years of cheap help coming in a few years. :D

08-11-2004, 01:37 AM
No long draw out psyclogical babble about quality time and interacting with other kids blah blah .

Its easy,the only people who Truly care about your kids....... and have stake in them is.....mom dad .......family ..blood thats who.
I was rasied in a big scottish family the whole family took part in the rasieing of me my brothers and my sisters....family is who passes moral value's down.Not some strangers with their hand stuck for money at a daycare.

08-11-2004, 02:30 AM
Originally posted by Royalslover
I've been around daycare kids and I'd shoot myself if my kids acted like that.

Actually I was thinking a good solution would be segregation in the schools. Day care kids in one half of the building, stay at home mom raised kids in the other half.

08-11-2004, 08:11 AM
[QUOTE]Originally posted by odin

Its easy,the only people who Truly care about your kids....... and have stake in them is.....mom dad .......family

Guess i'll go ahead and put mine on Ebay or put them up in a Garage sale since i put mine in Daycare my wife and myself are bad uncaring parents because we are trying to achieve the best possible lives for our kids by working...

08-11-2004, 08:15 AM
What about home with DAD.........?

08-11-2004, 10:34 AM
The children would always prefer time with the parents instead of the stuff the money buys from working. Giving your kids the best possible life doesn't mean making sure they have the biggest house, the newest car or the nicest clothes. Your children only grow up once and they grow up much faster than you can imagine. Time with or without you is going to be their main memory. Not the stuff you bought them.

Fescue Farmer
08-11-2004, 12:17 PM
My wife and I agree that we want to have our three children raised at home and schooled at home. I know that every family situation is different, but when it comes right down to it, the catch phrase "Quality Time" falls waaaaayyy short of actual "Quantity Time". What I am trying to say is that much of what I learned from my parents and grandparents occured during those times when you would think that you wouldn't remember or learn anything.

It seems that people who use "Quality Time" imply that if you are with your children all day long (as in a stay at home Mom) then there is very little quality time involved. But if Mom picks a child up at daycare and then spends some time in the evening with the child, that this is somehow considered "quality time". While it may be "quality time", I would argue that the time spent by a stay at home Mom all day IS Quality Time!

I recently had a conversation with someone in their new $400,000 home with about $100,000 worth of cars in the three car garage. Both parents work while their two young children are in daycare. The father told me that he wishes they could keep Momma from working but they just couldn't afford it. I said, as I looked at the house and shiny new cars in the garage, "I'll bet you can't afford it!" :)

What is more important - the kind of house we live in and the cars we drive, or who is raising our children?

I realise that for some families, (I am thinking of single parent families with no other family members around to help) that daycare is the only option. But I would venture to say that there are a lot of people like the parents I recently talked to who would like to have Momma stay home that actually CAN afford it by maybe lowering their level of living and stopping trying to keep up with the Jone's next door.

I loved the Quantity time I spent with my folks and grandparents and wouldn't trade it for the world! Kids don't care about fancy cars and houses - they just want to be with Mom & Dad!

Fescue Farmer
08-11-2004, 12:33 PM
My pic got cut off - retry:

08-11-2004, 03:57 PM
I use the phrase for dogs and children equally.

There are no bad children, only bad parents.......

If you make a ten year plan for children, and are rigid, you are making a bad plan. You never know what you are going to get.

Children need social skills. Children need to know family is the only ones you can count on.

I feel blessed with my children, who had me from nine weeks to three years, a little family and a nanny for a couple more, and some preschool which was highly regarded until Kindergarten.

My community is small, and my between my wife and I, we know everyone. I own the house I grew up in, and my 5 siblings are all older than I, so it isn't a stretch.

Last thing I would do is to tell you you are wrong.

08-11-2004, 04:03 PM
Originally posted by JimLewis

I've seen kids of all ages who were raised up in daycares and also lots who were raised up at home. Hands down, the better kids are always the ones who are raised in a good home. This is ON AVERAGE of course. Not saying that there aren't good kids in daycare. Just saying that - ON AVERAGE - your chances are much better on having a good, well behaved kid with good attitudes, when he is raised at home than it is to have the same kind of kid when he is raised in a daycare.

You can argue with that all you want. But most people reading this I think recognize this to be true.

I could not have said it better.

BTW-Nice name.

08-11-2004, 05:59 PM
What about home with DAD.........? Home with any family member who has a direct loving relationship with the kids is probably the best situation for most any kid. If mom wants to work while Dad stays home with the kids, great! If there is a grandparent who can be home all day with the kids while the parents both work, that's probably almost as good.

Fescue Farmer - that picture is AWESOME! It tells the whole story right there.

Up North
08-11-2004, 06:36 PM
Originally posted by GeeVee
What about home with DAD.........?

Nothing wrong with being home with dad IMO. If my wife goes back to work part time we'll be tinkering with my schedule so I can be home with the boys when mom works and vice versa.

But I have to say something about some of the daycare bashing...I know of a lot of parents that send their kids to daycare and they have good kids, well mannered, well behaved and get along great with other kids & adults. Just because they go to daycare does not make them bad kids, heck we have some friends that have 3 girls and they are absolute hellians, and their mom is home with them all the time. These particular kids would benefit from going to daycare as it would provide some structure for them.

However, I do agree that having mom or dad at home while they are growing up is the ideal situation, but just because a kid is in daycare doesn't mean you're going to end up with a criminal when he or she grows up. It really boils down to being a good parent and spending as much time as possible with the kids. And sometimes that means giving up that hunting trip .:cry: , or round of golf. But as we've seen here the last couple weeks with Runner losing his father, and Fatherandson losing his son, family time is a precious thing and not to taken for granted.


08-11-2004, 06:48 PM
Originally posted by GeeVee
What about home with DAD.........? rainy days are my specialty. me and the little one, I make the coolest tents in the living room.

Jimmy Bell
08-11-2004, 10:04 PM
There are "bad " parents as well as "bad" daycares. We were lucky that both our kids went to a great daycare, run by people we knew personally and trusted. My wife has been an elementary school teacher for 19 years now and she can tell you which kids went to which daycare and which stayed home without even asking the parent. We both grew up as only children and living out in the sticks with only ma & pa and grandparents to be with till first grade, that got pretty boring. Also, speaking for myself, my social skills were poor and I was extremely shy for a long time at school. If you do stay home with the kids, for God's sake, take them out and let them mix with other kids - church, Y, the park etc.

LawnScapers of Dayton
08-12-2004, 07:28 AM
We lucked out...as a fulltime Firefighter I work 24 on 48 off....and my wife was able to rotate her work schedule around mine. So one of us is home everyday. My lawn maintenance is part time so the kids usually spend 1 day a week with my parents or with good friends that we trade kid-sitting with alot.


08-12-2004, 07:49 AM
A few have asked what is wrong with daycare. Well. it usn't mom and dad, it isn't family and it will never be that sane as spending time with either if those. I was never in daycare, we were lucky enough that when my mom had to work we had our grandoarents to be wiith. My kids never went to daycare either. It is a constant strugle, but worth every extra momant that I spend with them. If you gotta do without cable, going out to eat and the movies and have no beer money, then do it. I promise you won't even miss those things.

08-12-2004, 06:51 PM
Home with Dad? Come on, think about the DAD!

J/K Did just that for 10 years. Wife has always worked so I stayed home with the kids from 6 weeks on. Yes some days were a living he!!. But I would not trade it for the world. I also home schooled them till 6th grade. Mom worked out of the house for almost 7 years and had to travel a lot so we would just go with.
Over the last 6 years (till 02) we lived in our motorhome at least 6 months of the year- went to the winter games in Salt Lake and took 2 months to get back to NC. Lived in the campground at Disney World for 6 weeks, kids loved that. Saw most of the U.S.A. and it made for a great school as the kids have seen what most kids only read about. Still gave me time to run the Real Estate investments and run a handyman business. Started the lawncare side of that in April of 02. We lived in a Texas State park for 6 months and I cut grass there as well as did a lot of building work on the CCC buildings (for you Dallas guys-Ft. Parker in Mexia). Did that over the winter of 01-02 and the kids learned a lot about that part of the country and it's history and what it all means to our country as a whole.
Spend as much time with your kids as possable as they grow fast and than they will be gone. The people they are with the most are the ones that will have the most influence on their lives. Daycare is needed as is two incomes just to keep a house sometimes, so it is not wrong. If you can do without, be thankful. But do not criticize those that use it.
My wife was in the computer field which has died off money wise so she has moved back into commerical real estate management. She works away from the house and the kids are in public school and I work outside too, so we miss the "old" days but always look forward. We have great memories and the kids are well adjusted (Dad is wacked). We still put them before most everything and they have the option to be involved in all we do (even working with me at times) but they are becoming more of their own people and want more freedom. We have become less teachers and more like coaches. In just a few more years they will be making decisions on their own and than all we can do is hope we did a good job. Good luck to all the parents here as God knows we need it.