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  #1  
Old 07-20-2013, 03:52 PM
dunjenman dunjenman is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Williamsburg Virginia
Posts: 6
New Website

http://www.definedlawncare.com/
what do you guys think?
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  #2  
Old 07-20-2013, 07:45 PM
NaturalLandscape NaturalLandscape is offline
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: Lake Oswego, OR
Posts: 20
Very professional business name, logo and website.

Why are you making the fact that you guys are in high school your selling point? Obviously you aren't going to have as much experience as other people who have been in the business for much longer yet you will probably still be charging the same prices, why would I want to hire kids to take care of my yard?

I also don't really like the negative words in your guarantee, "we will fix our mistakes for free. If we can’t fix them we will refund your money." It makes it sound very negative and makes it seem like customers should assume you will be making mistakes instead of the other way around. Instead, try something more positive like "We are confident in the quality of our work and stand behind it with a 100% satisfaction guarantee." Does this make sense? How would you feel if a hair salon said, "if we mess up your haircut, come back and tell us and we will try to fix it for free, if not we will refund your money."
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  #3  
Old 07-20-2013, 10:03 PM
newguy123 newguy123 is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 1,046
Very professional young men here! Way to go guys.
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  #4  
Old 07-23-2013, 03:24 PM
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GreenUtah GreenUtah is offline
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: SLC, UT
Posts: 866
Quote:
Originally Posted by NaturalLandscape View Post

Why are you making the fact that you guys are in high school your selling point?
I consider that a savvy move, whether it was intentional or not.

A) they will eventually show up for the sales call or job and people will realize that they are young, so better to do a little "prequalifying" first.

B) They are tapping an emotional buy, where the customer buys based on additional rewards not directly related to the service offering. In this case, supporting young people that are willing to do a physical job, under their own initiative. Whether it's true or not, for many people that will be a moral reward (supporting young entrepreneurs in a business that many teens want nothing to do with) , making their purchase that way. It's not much different than the bevvy of green related products being hawked out there. Some will even pay a premium (and they may in this case anyway without efficiency experience) to support business that gives them a moral reward.

Stick with playing up the still in school aspect.
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  #5  
Old 07-23-2013, 04:15 PM
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tonygreek tonygreek is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Lancaster, PA
Posts: 2,635
Quote:
Originally Posted by GreenUtah View Post
Stick with playing up the still in school aspect.
Devil's advocate, here...

While I can appreciate the high school aspect, here are two examples of where I think it goes off the rails:

“Hi Boys! I just wanted to take a moment and thank you..."
While a nice enough comment, the "Hi Boys!" easily reinforces the notion that you're "just kids".

“I love your mission statement! Which college are you going to next year? Love, Aunt Mary”
Fantastic, but am I just hiring you for a short time, until you decided to do something else/move away? (I see in another review, you reply to Aunt Mary that you are "hoping" to go to a local college, but I only see this by clicking through.) And it's your Aunt. You want legitimate reviews. Your Aunt will love you, and your work, regardless. We, the visiting consumer, know this.

As GreenUtah says, yes, it's nice to prequalify (read: prep people) for the idea that you're young men starting a business. I think it's also easy to fall in to the trap of either beating them over the head with it or, worse yet, adding to their thought process as to whether you're worth the hire if you're potentially not going to be around in the Fall or next season.

One other note... I'd recommend using your domain's email and not gmail. You want consistency when it comes to avenues of contact.
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Last edited by tonygreek; 07-23-2013 at 04:19 PM.
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  #6  
Old 08-07-2013, 06:29 PM
Numbercruncher Numbercruncher is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Detroit, Michigan
Posts: 4
I think it's great!! You two are cuties too so head to the single lady homes with those innocent faces and offer them affordable services, you'll do GREAT!
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  #7  
Old 08-07-2013, 07:04 PM
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Triton2286 Triton2286 is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 212
Tony pretty much hit the nail on the head.

In addition to his comments.

- Don't use the smart links, not worth it.
- Some of your wording needs work.
- Posting the link to your guarantee page on the other pages doesn't make sense. Just give them the information that should be on the page.
- Remove your guarantee from the list of services, it's not a service.

My biggest issue is most of your service pages give no informational at all, you just keep saying to contact you to discuss what you can offer them. That completely makes the page useless.

And some of your pages have pictures that have noting to do with the service. Your gravel page has a picture of a mulched bed and says nothing about gravel in the description.


The website looks great but every single thing you have written on it needs work.

And if there is nothing on the page, don't hyperlink the word. There's no point in showing people you blank pages
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  #8  
Old 08-09-2013, 02:57 PM
Bryan27 Bryan27 is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 145
Your site looks very nice and with a few tweaks will be even better. My suggestions are to add links to the header for an "About Us" and an "Our guarantee" page. Don't play to peoples emotions with the "we're still in HS card", I personally wouldn't want a HS kid cutting my lawn because I'd doubt they have all the insurance or experience, but if you showed up and I noticed how professional you are I'd likely give you a shot. The About Us page doesn't need to be your life's story, just who you are and a little bit about your company. The guarantee page should be presented in a way that reflects in a positive light, like stated above. You're on the right track!
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