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  #21  
Old 05-12-2008, 12:34 AM
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humble1 humble1 is offline
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Originally Posted by LawnTamer View Post
I got very suddenly very sick to my stomach at a clients home. I was mowing, so I'm covered in clippings, very high end neighborhood/house, and it hits like a ton of burning bricks in my gut. I actually went to the door and asked to use their can, apologizing the whole time. This little bathroom he leads me to is all marble, and very nice, but there is no window and no exhaust fan. I am in there for like 20 minutes trying to have the runs quietly...(note, this is impossible) I can hear the homeowner outside the door, so I know he can sure as heck hear me. After about 20 minutes I left, thanking him. Even I could smell it. Smelled like a dog crap factory had caught fire and the fire dept had put the fire out with vomit. Oddly, they didn't renew the next yr.
That happened to one of the guys on my fire dept on scene at a fully involved structure fire high 90's out. He goes over to the house can i please use your bathroom-bam.

When im out on route i always make a note of office complexes doctors offices etc. I always go there there are usually bathrooms in the hallways that are kept clean. Gas stations i like to pass on Id sit my arss on a log in the woods than a gas station b-room.

Reminds me of the time we were installing an irrigation system out in the middle of nowhere heavy heavy heavy mosquitos place was surrounded by swamp- bam get the gut bomb, i go into the swamp with a can of deep woods off and had to spray i around back to keep the skeeters away. sorry for the visual, anyway im holding onto a tree and spraying away, shortly there after my arse and my sac were on fire I had to go home and shower to stop it from burning, i think mace in the face would have been more pleasant.
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  #22  
Old 05-12-2008, 12:49 AM
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ted putnam ted putnam is offline
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Originally Posted by humble1 View Post
didnt Jesus drink wine with the apostles? How could it be dry if you are religious?
You should be asking some of the "Bible Thumpers" around here.You wouldn't believe some of the closet drinkers around here that fight tooth and nail to keep this place dry. It's borderline comical. They're the same ones that won't acknowledge that they know you when you see them in the liquor store.
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  #23  
Old 05-12-2008, 01:24 AM
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whoopassonthebluegrass whoopassonthebluegrass is offline
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didnt Jesus drink wine with the apostles? How could it be dry if you are religious?
Jesus didn't have R-134 refrigerant, either. "Wine" constituted any grape juice not consumed day 1. You'll note that the Bible draws distinctions between those who drank wine and "wine bibbers"...
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  #24  
Old 05-12-2008, 02:10 AM
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LawnTamer LawnTamer is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by humble1 View Post
Reminds me of the time we were installing an irrigation system out in the middle of nowhere heavy heavy heavy mosquitos place was surrounded by swamp- bam get the gut bomb, i go into the swamp with a can of deep woods off and had to spray i around back to keep the skeeters away. sorry for the visual, anyway im holding onto a tree and spraying away, shortly there after my arse and my sac were on fire I had to go home and shower to stop it from burning, i think mace in the face would have been more pleasant.
Holy crap! I laughed so hard I couldn't keep reading, that is some funny stuff there. Reminds me of something I did a few yrs back, I screwed up my hip and applied a bunch of ultra-strength Ben gay to the area, somehow a little got on the "twins"..... Imagine setting the boys on a frying pan! Very painful.


I went on a mission to Iceland. missionaries always have a partner, helps keep us safe, anyway, I had a very funny partner for a few months, great guy, he was short but could bench twice his weight. Well, he had torn out the butt/crotch seam in one of his suit pants, so he sewed it all up one night. the next day we are walking home from an appointment, he suddenly starts acting crazy, he is walking funny, sweating and can't seem to keep up our casual conversation. Finally he embarrassedly confesses that something ain't right downstairs, and he thinks he may have left a pin in his pants. We finally get home, he is all but in tears, and waddles into the bathroom, turns out he left the needle in, and it had worked its way right through his um... goodie bag.
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  #25  
Old 05-12-2008, 05:50 AM
Stillwater Stillwater is offline
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Originally Posted by LawnTamer View Post
Holy crap! I laughed so hard I couldn't keep reading, that is some funny stuff there. Reminds me of something I did a few yrs back, I screwed up my hip and applied a bunch of ultra-strength Ben gay to the area, somehow a little got on the "twins"..... Imagine setting the boys on a frying pan! Very painful.


I went on a mission to Iceland. missionaries always have a partner, helps keep us safe, anyway, I had a very funny partner for a few months, great guy, he was short but could bench twice his weight. Well, he had torn out the butt/crotch seam in one of his suit pants, so he sewed it all up one night. the next day we are walking home from an appointment, he suddenly starts acting crazy, he is walking funny, sweating and can't seem to keep up our casual conversation. Finally he embarrassedly confesses that something ain't right downstairs, and he thinks he may have left a pin in his pants. We finally get home, he is all but in tears, and waddles into the bathroom, turns out he left the needle in, and it had worked its way right through his um... goodie bag.


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  #26  
Old 05-12-2008, 09:17 AM
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thomsoutdoor thomsoutdoor is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by whoopassonthebluegrass View Post
I work with LawnTamer frequently. He's gifted in this manner. Even if he didn't eat for a week, it'd still happen. Not his fault, though. Horrible side effect of a pharmaceutical used earlier in life that they later found really screwed people's digestive systems up...

I remember working a gated community with him when he had to run off into the bushes with a roll of TP in hand... Yes, he carries TP in the truck...

Also, there's no beer here in Utah.
I can relate to that. If I go out the night before I usually load up the next day with Immonia A-ds(sp) not to mention a lot of fiber. Working outside definitely has its disadvantages. I am surprised that several gas stations still allow me in.
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  #27  
Old 05-12-2008, 11:12 AM
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whoopassonthebluegrass whoopassonthebluegrass is offline
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Is this where we segway to the Bumper Dumper?

http://www.bumperdumper.com/
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  #28  
Old 05-12-2008, 11:38 AM
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dcgreenspro dcgreenspro is offline
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Servicing a local client of 3 years when all of a sudden I start getting cramps..shortly followed by heavy sweats. Now it's near 9 in the morning in late July. Was going to be a short day. I fight off the pain and ztr dies. Now I have to finish with 48 walkbehind. 1/2 hr later I feel like I am going to give birth right on the front lawn. Now, this property is surrounded in woods but my judgment seems to have gotten cloudy for some reason that day because what followed was one of the most horrific experiences...ever. I decide for some reason not to pinch a loaf in the woods because my brother had gotten caught last year doing the same thing. so, I load up and decide what I am going to do. I have three options. I could drive 2 minutes up the road to the golf course i worked at for 6 years and probably use any facility there. But, for some reason I decline. My parents house is 15 minutes and I think that is too far. So, I decide to use the wawa 10 minutes up the road. As I am heading there, I get stopped in traffic by a huge dumptruck pulling onto the road. I am now at this point physically holding my ass together. Catch the red light before the wawa. I am now at the poit oof screaming holding my ass together running in to the wawa. I get in the bathroom and push on the stall door AND SOMEONE IS IN THERE! I telll him he has thirty seconds or all hell is going to break loose..literally. I position my ass, for some reson, against the urinal and I feel better for some reason as long as I don't move. I can hear the finishing up and flushes ONLY TO SIT BACK DOWN AGAIN! Just then a guy comes running in to use the stall just like I did and I tell them there is a line. He laughs and for some reason or another, taps my stomach. Everything froze for a minute and then I lost it. I froze and just let loose. The guy who came in turned around and I decided to make a break for it. I have to make it through the wawa and to my truck and on my way out I knock over a State Trooper. I help him up and I guess the smell was following me and he could see in my eyes my panic. He tells me to get out of there and I am out and running to my truck when wave #2 hits me. I call my parents house and my little brother answers. I tell him to get lots of old towels and the hose out. Upon arrival he already speed dialed my parents who had me on speaker phone with my aunts and uncles and everyone was laughing so hard they sounded like they were going to puke. I spent the next two hours crappin like an animal.
I watched the news that night to make sure I wasn't on camera for simple asslt of a police officer. To this day, most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me...
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  #29  
Old 05-12-2008, 11:51 AM
larryinalabama larryinalabama is online now
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How do Ya'll Utah fellers have 14 wives and cant drink Beer, it take me 12 pack a day just to survive 1
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  #30  
Old 05-12-2008, 12:00 PM
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whoopassonthebluegrass whoopassonthebluegrass is offline
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Originally Posted by larryinalabama View Post
How do Ya'll Utah fellers have 14 wives and cant drink Beer, it take me 12 pack a day just to survive 1
Dude, if I had that many wives, I'd be out in the lawns with headlights, I'd never go home.

I can't handle one woman, what on earth would I do with more than that?
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