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  #11  
Old 08-25-2012, 02:46 PM
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greenmonster304 greenmonster304 is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike Leary View Post
I started reading when I was in second grade and have continued voraciously ever since.
Second grade? Did you take the short bus to school.
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  #12  
Old 08-25-2012, 03:54 PM
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Mike Leary Mike Leary is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by greenmonster304 View Post
Second grade? Did you take the short bus to school.
I walked to school, and I'm not talking about Dick and Jane. I ditched them early on.
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  #13  
Old 08-25-2012, 04:57 PM
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Wet_Boots Wet_Boots is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mike Leary View Post
I walked to school, and I'm not talking about Dick and Jane. I ditched them early on.
Dick and Jane pale beside Hamlet
Quote:
Originally Posted by Larry Siegel
See the man. What a funny man. His name is Hamlet. He is a prince. He is sad. Why are you sad, Hamlet?

"I am sad for my father has died," says Hamlet. "My father was the king."

Where are you going, Hamlet?

"I am going to the castle," says Hamlet.

On the way he meets a ghost. "Where are you going?" asks the ghost.

"I am going to the castle," says Hamlet.

"Boo, boo," says the ghost.

"What is your name, you silly ghost?" asks Hamlet, clapping his hands.

"I am your father," says the ghost. "I was a good king. Uncle Claudius is a bad king, He gave me poison. Would you like poison?"

"Oh, no," says Hamlet. "I would not like poison."

"Will you avenge me, Hamlet?" asks the ghost.

"Oh,yes," says Hamlet. "I will avenge you. What fun it will be to avenge you."

On the way he meets a girl.

"Where are you going?" asks the girl.

"I am going to the castle," says Hamlet.

"Ha, ha," says the girl.

"What is your name?" asks Hamlet.

"My name is Ophelia," says the girl.

"Why are you laughing?" asks Hamlet. "You are a silly goose."

"I am laughing because you are so funny," says Ophelia. "I laugh because you are a schizophrenic. Are you not a schizophrenic?"

"I am not a schizophrenic. I pretend, for I want to fool my uncle. What fun it is to pretend I am schizophrenic."

See Hamlet run. Run, Hamlet, run.

He is going to his mother's room.

"I have something to tell you, mother," says Hamlet.

"Uncle Claudius is bad. He gave my father poison. Poison is not good. Do you like poison?"

"Oh, no, indeed!" says his mother. "I do not like poison."

"Oh, there is Uncle Claudius," says Hamlet. "He is hiding behind the curtain. Why is he hiding behind the curtain?"

"I shall stab him. What fun it will be to stab him through the curtain."

See Hamlet draw his sword. See Hamlet stab.

Stab, Hamlet, stab.

See Uncle Claudius's blood. See Uncle Claudius's blood gush.

Gush, blood, gush.

See Uncle Claudius fall. How funny he looks stabbed.

Ha, ha, ha.

But it is not Uncle Claudius.

It is Polonius. Polonius is Ophelia's father.

What fun Hamlet is having.

"You are naughty, Hamlet," says Hamlet's mother. "You have stabbed Polonius."

But Hamlet's mother is not cross. She loves Hamlet. He is a good boy.

And Hamlet loves his mother. She is a good mother.

Hamlet loves his mother very much.

Does Hamlet love his mother a little too much? Perhaps.

See Hamlet run. Run, Hamlet, run.

Where are you going, Hamlet?

"I am going to find Uncle Claudius" says Hamlet.

On the way he passes a brook. In the brook he sees Ophelia. Ophelia is drowning.

"Where are you going?" asks Ophelia.

"I am going to find Uncle Claudius."

"Glub, glub," says Ophelia.

On the way he meets a man.

"Where are you going?" asks the man.

"I am going to find Uncle Claudius" says Hamlet.

"Oh, NOOOO. I am Laertes," says the man. Let us draw our swords. Let us duel."

"I don't think I am going to find Uncle Claudius," says Hamlet.

See Hamlet and Laertes duel.

See Laertes stab Hamlet.

See Hamlet stab Laertes.

See Hamlet's mother drink poison.

See Hamlet stab King Claudius.

See everybody wounded and bleeding and dying and dead.

What fun they are having.

Wouldn't you like to play like that?
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  #14  
Old 08-25-2012, 05:03 PM
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1idejim 1idejim is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wet_Boots View Post
Dick and Jane pale beside Hamlet
that was much better than my reply, "it may of been a short bus, but it was a long ride"
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  #15  
Old 08-25-2012, 05:21 PM
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Wet_Boots Wet_Boots is offline
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the best part of the Hamlet riff, originally printed in Humbug magazine, is that it got reprinted for an NEA conference, and from there, picked up by some newspapers, who printed it, and all without crediting the original writer, who had fun with his official letter of complaint to the New York Herald Tribune
Quote:
Originally Posted by Larry Siegel
`

If you do not credit me as the author I shall be cross.

Grr, grr, grr.

I shall sue you.

Sue, sue, sue.

What fun it will be to sue you and become a rich writer.

Yum, yum, yum

~ Your chum,
Larry Siegel
The Herald Tribune gave him a spacious apology in the Sunday Forum section, stating they were "glad to give the author the credit he was due. Due, due, due."
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