Register free!
Search
 
     

The Green Industry's Resource Center


Click for Weather
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 08-24-2012, 10:33 PM
BROWNS LAWN CARE's Avatar
BROWNS LAWN CARE BROWNS LAWN CARE is offline
LawnSite Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Collinsville, TX
Posts: 606
Critique my Welcome Letter for my latest accts

i picked up 9 accts from a friend who retired. i have been mowing these yards for a month come Sep 1. i am preparing billing as they are all monthly billed and a welcome letter.

tell me what you think...

Quote:
Xxxxxxx xxxxxxx,

Let me introduce myself. My name is Danny Brown and I acquired Xxx xxxxxxxxx’s mowing business when he retired. He provided all the details for your yard and showed it to me personally before I started mowing. He also provided frequency of mowing information, including his last mowing of your yard. I have followed his scheduling recommendations. As far as I can tell your yard has needed mowing following his recommendations. Any way, below are your details. Please let me know if agree…

address info - $xx every 7days, billed monthly.

I have spoken to you briefly, but I want to insure you are happy with my work. I have been mowing your yard for 1 month and ask if you have any issues to please speak to me as it is my desire to make your yard look fantastic and make sure you are pleased with my service. My phone number is 214-xxx-xxxx. My personal email is xxxxxxxxx @ gmail.com and my business email is xxxxxxxxxxxxx @ gmail.com


Officially, my full business name is Brown’s Sales and Service registered with the State of Texas.

For payment purposes please make checks payable to:

Danny L. Brown
or
Brown’s Sales and Service


You are being billed via USPS mail, but I also offer email billing, if you so desire. Just provide me an email address and you can receive your monthly bill attached in an email instead of physically mailed with the post office.

I have been providing basic lawn maintenance including mowing, edging and trimming. However, I also trim hedges and fertilize. And soon it will be FALL CLEAN-UP time with all the falling leaves; so I provide leaf collecting/mulching. If I can help you in any of those areas, please call, email or text and let me know what service you need.

Also, I have included several business cards. Please do not hesitate to hand them out to family and/or friends in your neighborhood if you like my work. I really appreciate any and all referral business.
i was going to mention length of mow, longer grass being healthier grass and so on, but i figured that might be a can of worms i don't want to open. all but one are 3", while one is 4"...

any way, what did i do wrong in my welcome letter?
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 08-25-2012, 11:11 AM
BeachysLawn's Avatar
BeachysLawn BeachysLawn is offline
LawnSite Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: VA
Posts: 265
Hey man, it reads a little stiff and I think you are giving them too many choices. People need to be told what to do. For instance, you wrote:
Quote:
Originally Posted by BROWNS LAWN CARE View Post
My personal email is xxxxxxxxx @ gmail.com and my business email is xxxxxxxxxxxxx @ gmail.com
Just give them one email. I would write the paragraph something like this.

"I realize the process of switching service providers can be a bumpy ride sometimes and I want to thank you once again for giving me the opportunity to earn your business and your loyalty. If you ever have any questions or concerns regarding our service, please call or email me right away at 214-555-1111 or xxxxxxxx@gmail.com. I want to make sure your are thrilled with the service you are receiving!"

On making the check payable to, you wrote:

Quote:
Originally Posted by BROWNS LAWN CARE View Post
For payment purposes please make checks payable to:

Danny L. Brown
or
Brown’s Sales and Service
This is just confusing. It doesn't take any more effort to write Danny L. Brown or Brown's Sales & Service and frankly they do not care. Just tell them to make it payable to your business name and be done with it.

Also, I think you would be better moving your company name to the beginning of the letter

"Dear Customer, My name is Danny Brown with Brown's Sales and Service and, as you know, I acquired Xxxxxxxx's mowing business when he retired"

or the end

"Thank you,
Danny
Brown's Sales & Service"

and skip the 'registered in the state' line. That stuff is legal necessities that most clients really don't care about and the ones that do will ask.

This is just personal preference, but I always try to make my communication personable and friendly and avoid sounding like a corporation. People like to FEEL like you are their friend and that you are excited to have them as a client even if you are not their friend and they are one of hundreds.

Anyway, not trying to rewrite your whole letter (I will for the right price ) but those are my thoughts. Hope it helps!
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 08-25-2012, 11:14 AM
ELS Landscape's Avatar
ELS Landscape ELS Landscape is offline
LawnSite Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Grand Prairie, Texas
Posts: 684
It may be better if you write it from the perspect of the retired guy and let him introduce you. You can type it, have have him sign it.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 08-25-2012, 02:22 PM
BROWNS LAWN CARE's Avatar
BROWNS LAWN CARE BROWNS LAWN CARE is offline
LawnSite Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Collinsville, TX
Posts: 606
Quote:
Originally Posted by BeachysLawn View Post
Hey man, it reads a little stiff and I think you are giving them too many choices. People need to be told what to do. For instance, you wrote:


Just give them one email. I would write the paragraph something like this.

"I realize the process of switching service providers can be a bumpy ride sometimes and I want to thank you once again for giving me the opportunity to earn your business and your loyalty. If you ever have any questions or concerns regarding our service, please call or email me right away at 214-555-1111 or xxxxxxxx@gmail.com. I want to make sure your are thrilled with the service you are receiving!"

On making the check payable to, you wrote:



This is just confusing. It doesn't take any more effort to write Danny L. Brown or Brown's Sales & Service and frankly they do not care. Just tell them to make it payable to your business name and be done with it.

Also, I think you would be better moving your company name to the beginning of the letter

"Dear Customer, My name is Danny Brown with Brown's Sales and Service and, as you know, I acquired Xxxxxxxx's mowing business when he retired"

or the end

"Thank you,
Danny
Brown's Sales & Service"

and skip the 'registered in the state' line. That stuff is legal necessities that most clients really don't care about and the ones that do will ask.

This is just personal preference, but I always try to make my communication personable and friendly and avoid sounding like a corporation. People like to FEEL like you are their friend and that you are excited to have them as a client even if you are not their friend and they are one of hundreds.

Anyway, not trying to rewrite your whole letter (I will for the right price ) but those are my thoughts. Hope it helps!
i like the suggestions you made... i will incorporate those, thanks....


Quote:
Originally Posted by ELS Landscape View Post
It may be better if you write it from the perspect of the retired guy and let him introduce you. You can type it, have have him sign it.

that would be nice. he has left for a month long vacation and my billing cycle will be complete by his return. he sent them a letter with his last billing cycle, but i did not read it.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 08-25-2012, 07:57 PM
BROWNS LAWN CARE's Avatar
BROWNS LAWN CARE BROWNS LAWN CARE is offline
LawnSite Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Collinsville, TX
Posts: 606
how about this re-write


Quote:
Dear xxxxxxx xxxxxxx,

My name is Danny Brown with Brown's Sales and Service and, as you know, I acquired xxxxxxxxx’s mowing business when he retired.

Don provided all the details for your yard and showed it to me personally before I started mowing. He also provided frequency of mowing information and I have followed his scheduling recommendations. Your yard has needed mowing following his recommendations. Below is frequency, price and billing:

Xxxx yyyyy, xxxxx, TX - $xx every 7days, billed monthly.


I realize the process of switching service providers can be a bumpy ride sometimes and I want to thank you once again for giving me the opportunity to earn your business and your loyalty. If you ever have any questions or concerns regarding our service, please call or email me right away at 214-xxx-xxxx or brownssalesservices @ gmail .com. I want to make sure you are thrilled with the service you are receiving!

For payment purposes please make checks payable to:

Brown’s Sales and Service

You are being billed via USPS mail, but I also offer email billing, if you so desire. Just provide me an email address and you can receive your monthly bill attached in an email instead of physically mailed with the post office.

I have been providing basic lawn maintenance including mowing, edging and trimming. However, I also trim hedges and fertilize. And soon it will be FALL CLEAN-UP time with all the falling leaves; so I provide leaf collecting/mulching. If I can help you in any of those areas, please call, email or text and let me know what service you need.

Also, I have included several business cards. Please do not hesitate to hand them out to family and/or friends in your neighborhood if you like my work. I really appreciate any and all referral business.


Thank you,




Danny Brown
Brown’s Sales & Service




i like it better now, thanks... any other ideas or critiquing... i can run circles around a math problem, but english is a bit more difficult for me...
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 08-26-2012, 08:50 AM
BeachysLawn's Avatar
BeachysLawn BeachysLawn is offline
LawnSite Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: VA
Posts: 265
Quote:
Originally Posted by BROWNS LAWN CARE View Post
i can run circles around a math problem, but english is a bit more difficult for me...
lol, we would make a great team! I have always been able to write but I hate numbers with a passion. . .I can do them but they drive me nuts!

But its looking really good. I think it would be perfectly fine being sent as it is but I have one more idea if you want to take it. I would rewrite this paragraph like this:

"Please remember that, in addition to basic lawn mowing, we provide hedge trimming, fertilization, and FALL CLEAN-UP services as well. Fall is coming quickly and with it a bunch of leaves so call me anytime. I would love to give you a price for taking care of all your FALL CLEAN-UP or hedge trimming projects."

Okay, okay, i'll shut up now. I used to edit a monthly newsletter and I'm getting nostalgic and picky Good luck!

Eli
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 08-26-2012, 09:00 AM
Darryl G Darryl G is offline
LawnSite Fanatic
 
Join Date: May 2001
Posts: 7,957
Seems kind of strange to me if you have already talked to them and been mowing them for a month. Personally I would just include a couple of business cards and a "Thank you for your business" notation on their invoice.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 08-26-2012, 09:10 AM
BROWNS LAWN CARE's Avatar
BROWNS LAWN CARE BROWNS LAWN CARE is offline
LawnSite Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Collinsville, TX
Posts: 606
thanks again beachyslawn.

i took your advice and replaced my paragraph with yours...

a former editor huh? great, i am getting the advice i was seeking...

thanks
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 08-26-2012, 09:11 AM
BROWNS LAWN CARE's Avatar
BROWNS LAWN CARE BROWNS LAWN CARE is offline
LawnSite Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Collinsville, TX
Posts: 606
Quote:
Originally Posted by darryl gesner View Post
Seems kind of strange to me if you have already talked to them and been mowing them for a month. Personally I would just include a couple of business cards and a "Thank you for your business" notation on their invoice.
i have actually only spoke to a few of them. i was going to send out two different letters based on that, but have just combined them into one letter now.

most of them i haven't seen or spoken too...
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 08-26-2012, 09:14 AM
Darryl G Darryl G is offline
LawnSite Fanatic
 
Join Date: May 2001
Posts: 7,957
Ohhhh...I'd make personal contact with them all, either in person or by phone.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump





Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.6
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright ©1998 - 2012, LawnSite.com™ - Moose River Media
All times are GMT -4. The time now is 05:00 AM.

Page generated in 0.07105 seconds with 7 queries