A presidential speech I'd like to hear

Discussion in 'General Industry Discussions' started by Fvstringpicker, Jun 5, 2006.

  1. Fvstringpicker

    Fvstringpicker LawnSite Fanatic
    Posts: 7,603

    Subject: Presidential Speech



    WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT,
    DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?


    My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been
    completed.

    Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our
    mission in Iraq is complete.

    This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American
    forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now
    to begin the reckoning.

    Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries
    which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short.
    The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, Italy and Poland are some
    of the countries listed there.

    The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the
    world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing
    copies of both lists later this evening.

    Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those
    nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved
    during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the
    Iraqi war.

    The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world
    Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

    Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.

    In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money
    toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that
    note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt
    you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the
    earth.

    Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.

    I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France,
    Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring
    from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.

    I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN
    diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking
    tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and
    crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this You creeps
    have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or
    watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of
    the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York!

    A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely
    to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not
    pissing us off for a change.

    Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government
    really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and
    infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep,
    border security. So start doing something with your oil.

    Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty -
    starting now.

    We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling for
    oil in Alaska - which will take care of this country's oil needs for
    decades to come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision,
    I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there. They care.

    It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens.
    Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, "darn
    tootin."

    Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the
    world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the
    planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate
    homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from
    America. To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe
    you and we won't forget.

    To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to
    speak Arabic.

    God bless America. Thank you and good night.

    If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English,
    thank a soldier.
     
  2. M RASCOE&SONS

    M RASCOE&SONS LawnSite Bronze Member
    Posts: 1,475

    :usflag: :usflag: :usflag: i salute you mister president ..i would love to hear that speech for real:usflag: :usflag: :usflag: :usflag: :drinkup:
     
  3. emil35

    emil35 LawnSite Member
    Posts: 213

    nice speech...i would leave out the World Cup Soccer however, it's a big sport in the states now! But other than that, sounds pretty good
     
  4. J&R Landscaping

    J&R Landscaping LawnSite Fanatic
    Posts: 5,096

    When does tyhe speech air on TV? I can't wiat for this to take effect!
     
  5. leafblower2000

    leafblower2000 LawnSite Member
    from 19526
    Posts: 6

    That would be a very welcome change! And I'd like to thank all my former teachers, and all past present and future soldiers!
     
  6. dougmartin2003

    dougmartin2003 LawnSite Senior Member
    Posts: 337

    hells yeah
     
  7. fiveoboy01

    fiveoboy01 LawnSite Silver Member
    Posts: 2,988

    Though I mostly agree with that, what does this have to do with General Green Industry Discussions? Or did you mistakenly put it in the wrong forum?
     

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