Critique my form letter advertising my services (Long)

Discussion in 'Lawn Mowing' started by FERT-TEK, Feb 19, 2005.


    FERT-TEK LawnSite Bronze Member
    Posts: 1,035

    Please look at the following form letter I am working on that advertises my lawn care services to targeted homeowners. This is a rough draft letter I want to direct mail to certain houses along my route that I feel might be looking for someone to care for their property. As I said it isnt complete but wanted to get some opinions before I have to re-write it later. The things I will add at the end will include ala-carte services like small nursery installations, mulch work, seasonal color, aeration and de-thatching to name a few. Any way let me know what you think. I know some of you will rip me for not getting a signed contract but I have only been burned once in the past. Regarding the "pricing" issue this was included to get their attention NOT to steal accounts from other LCO's. As a matter of fact none of the houses I have targeted currently have a lawn service.

    Feel free to use any part of this for your own marketing if you choose. Well here goes nothing....

    Hello, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Dave Palmeri and I am the owner and operator of Fairway Lawn Care (FLC). Fairway Lawn Care is a full service residential lawn care company operating in our community for the last 12 years providing the services that you might want or need. I pride myself on providing quality, professional services at reasonable cost. The reason you may not have heard of FLC is because since its inception I have kept almost all of my original customers and received most of my new accounts through word of mouth. Recently, I took the opportunity to drive through our neighborhood and identify some houses that might be looking for professional lawn care next year and decided to introduce myself to them. I am different than most lawn maintenance companies in that all of my services are done on a handshake and can be canceled at any time with written notice, and I only bill for the service provided. There are no contracts locking you in for the season or a required number of weekly visits. As I stated earlier I am the owner and operator of FLC which also means I will be the person you see each week taking care of your property. I also promise to be properly dressed and respectful to you, your family and neighbors and provide the personal service you desire. While caring for your lawn I will only use clean state of the art commercial equipment by Toro, Echo and Perma-green to name a few. Also, I am never in a hurry and will be glad to discuss any questions or concerns you may have regarding your lawn care needs. In addition to weekly lawn service I also offer an affordable season long fertilization and weed control program. This program uses quality well known fertilizers that are bought through a wholesale distributor that supplies golf courses and landscape nurseries and then I pass that savings on to you. The fertilizers I use will keep your lawn healthy and green and provide the necessary nutrients at the right time to keep your lawn looking its best. The only thing you will have to do is just add water when needed. FLC also guarantees that it’s pricing will beat the “bigger guys” hands down.
  2. Precision

    Precision LawnSite Silver Member
    Posts: 2,995

    Don't like it.

    Lets just say I got about 4 sentences into it.
    I never read letters sent to me for prospecting. NEVER.

    get some glossies, get some door hangers, get some current clients to give you referrals, Take out an add in a local small distribution paper.

    I don't mean to sound rude, but I can't force myself to read the letter in its entirety.

    It makes you feel good, but it sounds like blah, blah, blah to anyone not inthe business.

    Hope that helps.
  3. grass disaster

    grass disaster LawnSite Silver Member
    Posts: 2,583

    i'm totally with you on this one, i got to the end of the second scentence and gave up. i'd rather stare at a flier. looks like gpod effort though :blob1:
  4. battags

    battags LawnSite Senior Member
    Posts: 607

    Your trying to say too much in too little space. You only want enough to have them call you back. That's where you 'sell' yourself, not all in an introductory letter.

    Less should be more for this type of letter. You can schmooze in person when they call you for a quote.

  5. Cobra Jock

    Cobra Jock LawnSite Member
    Posts: 206

    Very good advice, IMO.


    FERT-TEK LawnSite Bronze Member
    Posts: 1,035

    Batags, thanks for taking the time to read the letter. I agree that less is more. Just thought I would possibly try something different. Except for the local distribution paper I have done everything Precision suggested with the same limited results everyone gets. About a 3% return on my efforts.

    Do you think this would work better as a follow up letter to be left for the customer when I do an estimate. I am just looking for something to set myself apart from the competition.

    FERT-TEK LawnSite Bronze Member
    Posts: 1,035

    I replied below to Batags about the possibly of only using this letter to introduce myself when a prospective customer requests an estimate (after I have my foot in the door). I am looking for somthing to set myself apart from the competition and including copies of the form letter with the estimates might work better. Or better yet maybe I will just Sh#t can the whowl idea and be like everyone else.
  8. battags

    battags LawnSite Senior Member
    Posts: 607

    I think leaving a letter similar to that upon meeting potential clients for a quote would be an excelent idea. That will definately set you apart from many others.

    That could all be for nothing if your 'people skills' are not up to snuff. Remember, come on too strong and your labeled like a used car salesman. Too shy and modest leaves the impression of inexperience. Find a confidant, yet not cocky, medium and don't make promises you can't keep.

    Good luck!

  9. SReaves

    SReaves LawnSite Member
    Posts: 11

    I leave a letter with my quotes to better explain my services and give a small explanation of my companies history. Th total letter ends up being about two paragraphs long. I don't like to drag it out because I know that my customer won't want to read any thing too long.
  10. Mo Green

    Mo Green LawnSite Bronze Member
    Posts: 1,487

    Nice letter, but waaaaaay toooooo looooong. You need something that potential customers can read in 5 - 10 seconds. Something that says it all in few, but effective words. Most people's attention span is not long enough to read something of this nature, I know mine isn't. I couldn't get more than 2 or 3 sentences into it without crumbling it up and putting it in the round file. But if it was short sweet and to the point, but also appealing, then I might give you a call.

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