Critique my Welcome Letter for my latest accts

Discussion in 'Starting a Lawn Care Business' started by BROWNS LAWN CARE, Aug 24, 2012.

  1. BROWNS LAWN CARE

    BROWNS LAWN CARE LawnSite Senior Member
    Posts: 615

    i picked up 9 accts from a friend who retired. i have been mowing these yards for a month come Sep 1. i am preparing billing as they are all monthly billed and a welcome letter.

    tell me what you think...

    i was going to mention length of mow, longer grass being healthier grass and so on, but i figured that might be a can of worms i don't want to open. all but one are 3", while one is 4"...

    any way, what did i do wrong in my welcome letter?
     
  2. BeachysLawn

    BeachysLawn LawnSite Senior Member
    from VA
    Posts: 271

    Hey man, it reads a little stiff and I think you are giving them too many choices. People need to be told what to do. For instance, you wrote:
    Just give them one email. I would write the paragraph something like this.

    "I realize the process of switching service providers can be a bumpy ride sometimes and I want to thank you once again for giving me the opportunity to earn your business and your loyalty. If you ever have any questions or concerns regarding our service, please call or email me right away at 214-555-1111 or xxxxxxxx@gmail.com. I want to make sure your are thrilled with the service you are receiving!"

    On making the check payable to, you wrote:

    This is just confusing. It doesn't take any more effort to write Danny L. Brown or Brown's Sales & Service and frankly they do not care. Just tell them to make it payable to your business name and be done with it.

    Also, I think you would be better moving your company name to the beginning of the letter

    "Dear Customer, My name is Danny Brown with Brown's Sales and Service and, as you know, I acquired Xxxxxxxx's mowing business when he retired"

    or the end

    "Thank you,
    Danny
    Brown's Sales & Service"

    and skip the 'registered in the state' line. That stuff is legal necessities that most clients really don't care about and the ones that do will ask.

    This is just personal preference, but I always try to make my communication personable and friendly and avoid sounding like a corporation. People like to FEEL like you are their friend and that you are excited to have them as a client even if you are not their friend and they are one of hundreds.

    Anyway, not trying to rewrite your whole letter (I will for the right price :laugh: ) but those are my thoughts. Hope it helps!
     
  3. ToddH

    ToddH LawnSite Silver Member
    Posts: 2,184

    It may be better if you write it from the perspect of the retired guy and let him introduce you. You can type it, have have him sign it.
     
  4. BROWNS LAWN CARE

    BROWNS LAWN CARE LawnSite Senior Member
    Posts: 615

    i like the suggestions you made... i will incorporate those, thanks....



    that would be nice. he has left for a month long vacation and my billing cycle will be complete by his return. he sent them a letter with his last billing cycle, but i did not read it.
     
  5. BROWNS LAWN CARE

    BROWNS LAWN CARE LawnSite Senior Member
    Posts: 615

    how about this re-write






    i like it better now, thanks... any other ideas or critiquing... i can run circles around a math problem, but english is a bit more difficult for me...
     
  6. BeachysLawn

    BeachysLawn LawnSite Senior Member
    from VA
    Posts: 271

    lol, we would make a great team! I have always been able to write but I hate numbers with a passion. . .I can do them but they drive me nuts!

    But its looking really good. I think it would be perfectly fine being sent as it is but I have one more idea if you want to take it. I would rewrite this paragraph like this:

    "Please remember that, in addition to basic lawn mowing, we provide hedge trimming, fertilization, and FALL CLEAN-UP services as well. Fall is coming quickly and with it a bunch of leaves so call me anytime. I would love to give you a price for taking care of all your FALL CLEAN-UP or hedge trimming projects."

    Okay, okay, i'll shut up now. I used to edit a monthly newsletter and I'm getting nostalgic and picky :hammerhead: Good luck!

    Eli
     
  7. Darryl G

    Darryl G LawnSite Fanatic
    Posts: 8,033

    Seems kind of strange to me if you have already talked to them and been mowing them for a month. Personally I would just include a couple of business cards and a "Thank you for your business" notation on their invoice.
     
  8. BROWNS LAWN CARE

    BROWNS LAWN CARE LawnSite Senior Member
    Posts: 615

  9. BROWNS LAWN CARE

    BROWNS LAWN CARE LawnSite Senior Member
    Posts: 615

    i have actually only spoke to a few of them. i was going to send out two different letters based on that, but have just combined them into one letter now.

    most of them i haven't seen or spoken too...
     
  10. Darryl G

    Darryl G LawnSite Fanatic
    Posts: 8,033

    Ohhhh...I'd make personal contact with them all, either in person or by phone.
     

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