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Discussion in 'Business Operations' started by Mrs. H, Sep 6, 2007.

  1. Mrs. H

    Mrs. H LawnSite Senior Member
    Posts: 708

    I can't keep losing sleep...I have too much to take care of. So maybe some advice from ya'll would help.

    David has been in buisness 7 years, and although at the beginning I had no idea how to manage anything like this...he basically threw me into the job anyway. I have an Associates degree in ART, no business or accounting. I have 2 1/2 years experience in debt collections, but I LOATHED that job. And I used to do my own taxes and I am pretty good at budgeting a household. So, he's like, "You're smart, you'll figure it out."

    Well, he's been on my back ever since. Nothing I do is "right" to him. The first 2 years worth of paperwork was all done by hand. And when we got the Quicken program, I'm the one who waded through it and learned it. We got the Groundkeeper Pro...and once again, I learned it.

    In 2001 he tried to hire my job out to an accountant, but that only lasted a few weeks because she "wasn't doing it right" and I had to fix everything.

    In 2002 he wanted a partner, so he got one, and ya'll heard that story in another thread. I had to fix that one, too. (What I mean by fix is get all the info in the computer straight, the billing straight, the schedual, the budget, etc. This usually takes about a month or so.)

    And this past summer, he got his father involved and hired a manager, who didn't do squat...and I've had to fix everything.

    Meanwhile, while I am tring to budget and pay obligations, David's yelling at me that I don't pay the bills right, and he needs all the money, and he ignores me when I tell him that he dosn't have the budget for more payroll, equipment, etc. So the past 2 weeks he's been "racing" me to the P.O. Box to collect money comming in so that he can spend it how he sees fit. Last week I was having an automatic draw set up through the bank for the exmark, and he walked into the bank asked how much was in the account and withdrew it the day the draw was supposed to go through. So, now that cost in fees AND they are going to want thier payment by Western Union ASAP.

    But, see I do it all wrong! How dare I try to make a payment on a major peice of equipment. I obviously have no idea that what he needs and has to go through! (So he keeps reminding me!)

    I am so SICK of having to be the fall guy...the one responsible for everything, but I am not allowed to have control over the incoming revenue. David gets a call from a creditor and says it's my fault I didn't pay it, but won't let me have the money TO do the paying.

    I know a little of this is his Bi-Polar whatever...but a big chunk is his attitude.

    Please, someone tell me what you think I should do. I've quit, I've argued, I've shown him reports, I've given him a layout of his budget, I've counceled and told him my ideas, I've got a REALLY good idea of his goals and have tring to show him how over time to reach them. I've asked him how he wants me to pay the bills, I've by-passed him in order to get it done. I am tapped out of ideas!

    Now, one thing that I was hoping would happen is that I DO take a monthly draw for the house, and I budget that wisely and make sure that our bills are paid and the kids have their needs. Over time I was hoping that he could see that I do this well without his involvment and that it would prove my abilities to him. But, this hasn't came to be yet, simply because he thinks that I am taking more than my share. He is confusing household expense and pay with payments on his equipment. It's like he thinks my household draw covers the exmark, too. And of course, If a large sum comes in that is NOT my draw money and is supposed to go into the buisness, he wants to go out on the town and I tell him that I don't have the money for that (Out of my money) and he gets mad that he works too hard not to have any fun with his kids--because you can't have fun for free, ya' know. Geesh!

    Sorry this rant is so long. :cry: Please help!
  2. J Hisch

    J Hisch LawnSite Senior Member
    Posts: 952

    Sound like he is not a good business man. Period. If he is unwilling to allow you to fulfill your role, not take advise from you, expect you to clean up his messes. Blame you for payments not being made on time. I would show him this thread and what I am about to tell him.

    You are a grade A Jerk, knuckle head and unprofessional. You cannot run a business a muck and expect to be a professional. Being professional is alot more than just making the properties look good. I can train anyone to mow grass, but I cant make everyone a business man. You have better realize your wife has a skill set that you can benefit from as well as your business. It sound to me that you like to go around blaming everyone but fail to accept the responsibility yourself. Your wife is more than honest about her skills. You can do one of 2 things continue like you are or change, if you fail to change I am telling your wife to let you fail..........maybe it will take you loosing your home or losing your equipment to wake up.
  3. topsites

    topsites LawnSite Fanatic
    Posts: 21,653

    ahhh but darling that is why you are there, because you're so good where he's not.

    He sux at money, you excel at it, this is the yin and yang of it, for some reason it is always like that, if it's not one compromise it's another, perhaps the hardest part is failing to see the benefit? Heck I don't know, but how do I say it?

    Change is not within the other, change is only within you.
    The trick is to figure out what method works for you, he can and will adapt but it's like dancing, finding the step your partner can follow, without force or coercion, the best step is one he follows automatically, and willingly.
    You lead, and hope he follows.
    If that step doesn't work you could try something else, perhaps something simpler, is your accounting method impossible for him?

    Easier said than done, don't mind me, but best of luck to you.
  4. Mrs. H

    Mrs. H LawnSite Senior Member
    Posts: 708

    I've done this to death. Last year the house was on the auction block twice. He managed to pull it off in the last quarter, so to speak. I've said and followed through with alot of threats.
  5. Mrs. H

    Mrs. H LawnSite Senior Member
    Posts: 708

    Yes, you are right. It's the figuring out part that I am failing at. I guess that is where I am stumped. There is nothing else in our relationship that we have not been able to compromise...just this one hurdle. I know if I give an inch, he'll take a mile. And if I wait for him to give the inch...I'll die of old age. :dizzy:

    I have tried to make all my reports to him as close to what he says he wants. But, there is always the "No, I didn't want that at all" argument.

    Patience is my life-long quest. A journey that I may never complete. Sorry, for the rant. I know that tommorow will be different.
  6. topsites

    topsites LawnSite Fanatic
    Posts: 21,653

    Me too, so I usually sit around and grow gray hairs in the meantime.
    Sooner or later it comes to me, I just don't know when.

    Right, do them your way now, this is what you are good at, hence it must be your system, that's likely why it's not working.
    Here it's your lead, he follows, your step next, without instruction, a silent lead, come on now man.

    If he instructs your lead it's no good, it's your lead and yours to do.
    Like a customer of mine, if I try to do it their way I fail.
    Do it my way and that's just the way it is, look stupid helps.

    Try it, can't hurt.

    Ah there, it is fixed.
    Well, almost...!

    Hope is help.
  7. Mrs. H

    Mrs. H LawnSite Senior Member
    Posts: 708

    Yes, it is a lot of help. This makes sense. We have customers like this, too. I've just never equated the situations! Just needed to take a step back. Thanks! :)
  8. Breezmeister

    Breezmeister LawnSite Bronze Member
    Male, from South Jersey
    Posts: 1,546

    All of it is his Bi Polar.... I know because I was married for 23 years to a Bi Polar PSYCHO ! IMHO you need to get him to a doctor so he can go on some meds so he can even out. If you don't, or he refuses, it will be your mental health that will suffer. It will only get worse if nothing is done. To put it bluntly, he is insane. I know, that sounds harsh.
    It's time for you to take care of yourself and in doing so you can help him, if he will let you. If he is already on Meds, then they are not working, so they need to be adjusted or changed.
    Believe me when I say I know what you are going through. There is help out there if you reach out. I have 3 sons, 2 who still live with me, I know how this effected them, and how it hurt them. They love their mother but do there best to avoid her, because she still won't stay on here legal Meds, instead she self medicates, read into that what ever you like :confused:
    Good luck and my prayers are with you.
  9. Mrs. H

    Mrs. H LawnSite Senior Member
    Posts: 708

    Then you know what kind of tired I am talking about.

    He was diagnosed 41/2 years ago, and has been taking pre. meds ever since. He' not into self-medicating (anymore, hasn't since I have known him, thank goodness.) I am glad he dosn't have any worse habits. He's got a doc and a therapist. And he raves about it around these threads.

    I get confused over medical or attitude because he grew up with a stupid silver spoon and he doesn't know how to do without, even for a short time span (week or two?), let alone a long-term savings/reward plan.

    I think I mentioned that his Dad had gotten involved. Well, THAT WAS my fault. I should have told him to stick his nose somewhere else...but I think I have managed to cure him of the busy-bodies when it comes to my finances...and the business. He hasn't tried to bring up anything other than "how's my grandkids?" for 4 weeks now. I've made it clear that I don't answer to him and that my first priority is insuring a roof over the kids and I.

    And, I said today would be different. It was...on the down swing and not pretty. But, I'll just do my work and tell him I won't talk to him until he's rational again. He's acting like he may have skipped a dose. :cry:

    I just finished a book about finding ways to cut your business costs...it is a little outdated (1993) and defined email and how well it works;) , but, It had a few other ideas in it that I would like to implement, but David was not in the mood to talk of change today, even little changes. I guess I will just type them up and present my ideas another day.
  10. Breezmeister

    Breezmeister LawnSite Bronze Member
    Male, from South Jersey
    Posts: 1,546

    Yea, I understand the frustration, and how everything is not as it should be.
    And I know I got to a point and said enough was enough..... It can get better but it is something that has to be worked at. If the meds are not working or he is skipping them, it will not get better.
    What I would suggest is the two of you get together with the therapist and talk about what is going on, that can help. And the therapist can change his meds or suggest a better plan of action.
    I hope you find peace of mind.

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