Some good comebacks for the funnies

Discussion in 'Lawn Mowing' started by topsites, Aug 6, 2005.

  1. topsites

    topsites LawnSite Fanatic
    Posts: 21,653

    Yes, the funny people make funnies. These things are supposed to make you laugh and I suppose for some they are funny, but the laughter eludes me to this day.

    If you are male like me, do you ever get the female who thinks that by flirting with you, she'll get a better price? Yes, that one is a classic, I must admit to falling for this trick a few times so now I have a solution:
    See, the ASSUMPTION here is that you must remain professional and thus you're NOT supposed to DO or SAY anything that might OFFEND the customer but, we all know what happens when someone ASSumes.
    So when they start flirting, I follow their lead without hesitation - I stop whatever I was talking about and cut through the bs and now, I'm only after ONE thing (well, isn't this what she wanted?). NEVER once, not even one time in 4 years did it turn out the flirt was anything but a ruse - Guess what? Sayonara, don't do business with dishonesty. This one I can live with, the only time it gets my goat is when she's married, that to me is taking things one step too far.

    How about the ppls like to call around OCTOBER looking for a lawnguy to cut their grass on a REGULAR basis?!! (Do you know what this means? I do!) Yes, and of course they want you ALL next year but don't we all know what happens around end of October? I do: LEAVES!
    So, what is it? Do they REALLY want a lawnguy for next year, or is this another scam? Well, lets see.... The traditional way to do it is to give year-long customers a regular price on the grass-cutting AND a good deal on the leaves, at least in my case, that is how it usually works.
    BUT this isn't quite the same mustard, now is it? Oh, according to them it is but NO, NOTHING guarantees they really will hire you next year and believe you me, the odds are seriously against you.
    So the solution is easy: Give them a REGULAR price when the leaves fall, and a GOOD price for NEXT year's grass-cutting. Here is an example:
    Say the leaves SHOULD cost 100 dollars and the grass-cut 35, right? Ok, so price the leaves at 150 and the grass-cut at 30... Well YES because if they DO hire you all next year (which they fairly SWORE they will do), then about half-way through (by the 10th cut) they'll break even and every cut after the 10th, they come out 5 bucks further ahead so if they get 20 grass-cuts, they come out 50 bucks ahead after all is said and done)...
    Isn't it funny, I would actually LOSE money with this deal but wouldn't you know it, not even ONE time have I gotten the job, at least half the time they get PISSED off and start getting rude (when in reality, *I* should be the one getting crappy).

    Another good one is the ppls who like to wait until May or June to call you for a grass-cut estimate and OH by the way, they forgot to mention the grass has never been cut but of course, want a regular lawnguy. Some are so smart that in their slickness, they forget to hide their lawnmower but the real smart ones stick their riding mower in the garage so you CAN'T see it. Trouble? No, not really, they had planned on spending some money, they been too busy working and haven't had any time to spend on the lawn (some even tell you something to this effect). Hehehe, well since this is the case AND since I really don't feel like dealing with this situation, the estimated cost is always at least DOUBLE (triple is better) that of a regular cut with regular height grass - No offense, it WILL take at least twice as long And one more problem: Folk like this usually want the lawn to look impeccable afterwards, meaning it really will take a LONG time for you to finish because you HAVE to do something with the clippings. This is the only case where ONE time in 4 years, I did actually get ONE job AND the guy is still my customer today... But last guy called me, estimate 140-160 for an acre of arse-grass, never heard from him again.

    Anyone got any other funnies?

    TURFLORD LawnSite Senior Member
    Posts: 834

    I could go on for days telling stories. Live and Learn. The customers that get a good price are the ones that have already spent good money. I think I've gotten a couple of jobs just because I've ogled wifey's tah tah's. And I think I've lost those jobs because I'm a decent looking guy and the husband saw me ogling those tah tah's.
  3. cantoo

    cantoo LawnSite Silver Member
    Posts: 2,910

    We cut a lawn last week that hadn't been cut in a year and a half. The old guy died and the family have been fighting ever since. This is a rural property and the burdocks were over 6' high. The grass was up to 3' high in spots. I drove over a steel 5 gallon pail, 2 cardboard boxes, 4 or 5 plastic jugs, countless water bottles, pieces of firewood, several dead shrubs, a couple of big rocks and ran into the hitch of a stone picker that was parked on one side of the lawn. We have a JD front mount that we use for properties like this. It's actually fun to cut properties like this, you never know what you will find.
  4. Brianslawn

    Brianslawn LawnSite Silver Member
    Posts: 2,004

    same stuff here. also call wanting ideas or drawings for new landscaping... so they can see who will give them the lowest price on your free design. i tell them $300-$400, money is credited back to you on final bill for install. i havent designed anymore landscapes. just install them.

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