What do you guys think of this

Discussion in 'Lawn Mowing' started by christoff, Nov 19, 2004.

  1. christoff

    christoff LawnSite Member
    Posts: 139

    Peninsula 882-4242
    Lawns



    Peninsula Lawns, an experienced company based on the peninsula looking to expand. Big lawns, small lawns, we do them all.

    We offer a complete program for you lawn which includes scheduled aerating and fertilizing combined with regular lawn cuts will keep your lawn green and beautiful all year long.

    Other services we offer are Mowing, Edging, Weeding, fertilizing, aerating, and blowing

    I have assessed your lawn and the price would be $ 30 for us to cut the lawn, weed eat the edges, and blow off the driveways, sidewalks and entranceways.


    CALL FOR A FREE QUOTE TODAY 882-4242
     
  2. geogunn

    geogunn LawnSite Gold Member
    from TN
    Posts: 3,010

    30 bucks huh? I'd have to know what your cost of living is before I would know what to think about that.

    GEO :confused:
     
  3. j_loppy

    j_loppy LawnSite Member
    Posts: 90

    You need to proofread this a few more times. I had to read it several times to figure out some of the "sentences".

    I find it helpful to have several people, other than myself, to proofread my work...well, which is what you are doing here...so, keep up the good work! :)
     
  4. out4now

    out4now LawnSite Bronze Member
    from AZ
    Posts: 1,796

    Ok but a little wordy. Peninsula twice sounds redundant, change all the driveway, sidewalk to just hard surfaces or something like that and change the large small we do it all to any size job, maybe we also have fert/aerate programs available and if you're offering a free estimate then why the 30 bucks in the post? Keep it short andif they are interested and call for an estimate break oout each service add on at whatever it's worth to you. Sounds like you'd be locking youeself in at 30 bucks here. Never use words that have a negative meaning associate with them because if you saw it on your door what would you think they were trying to sell? It's not all bad, just tweek it a bit and maybe get some feedback from someone else.
     
  5. Greenstar Services

    Greenstar Services LawnSite Member
    Posts: 71

    Try a little bit of proof reading. You may not wish to post your price but have them phone for a free estimate. In your pricing don't forget taxes included or not. Try not to undersell your services, with the cost of fuel, dumping fees,labor, insurance and machinery, your only hurting your bottom line. Good luck and I will see you around the Victoria to Sydney area. :waving:
     
  6. JimLewis

    JimLewis LawnSite Fanatic
    Posts: 6,842

    Sounds all right. The impression I get from that is that you are a new start-up company who is desperate for work. Nothing wrong with that. It may be true and there are people out there who are looking for guys just like you! As you grow, you'll want your flyer to make you sound more professional. But for now, that will probably work just fine.

    Only thing I'd change is the "call for a free quote" part. I don't see the point. You already told them it costs $30. Why do they need another quote? I'd just write, "Call us today and get started tomorrow!"
     
  7. Runner

    Runner LawnSite Fanatic
    Posts: 13,494

    "an experienced company based on the peninsula looking to expand."

    How long has this peninsula been looking to expand?
    Also, you have too much "slang". example; "lawn cuts"???
    Also, what the heck is weed eatin'? Is that something you do with one of them thar newfangled weed-eaters? Don't take this the wrong way, and don't be offended, but if I came home and saw this on my door or in my paperbox, I would 86 it (roundfile). It reminds me of something that some beer drinking roofing, handyman service would be dropping off. Also, I assume that you put that $30 just as an example, Otherwise, it doesn't make sense that you give them a quote, then ask them to call for a free quote. They would be saying. "What???"
    Let's try this....


    Peninsula Lawns, an experienced company based on the peninsula is currently expanding. From large acreage to small lawns, we do it all.

    We offer complete programs for your lawn that include regularly scheduled mowing, fertilizing, and aeration that will keep your lawn green and beautiful all year long.

    Other services we offer are edging of walks and drives and bed care. We can also custom tailor a program to best suit your needs.

    We have assessed your lawn and the basic program would be for the low price of $30 per visit which includes mowing, including all string trimming, edging of all walks and drive, and blowing off of all curblines, driveways, sidewalks and entrances.


    Please CALL TODAY TO SET UP YOUR APPOINTMENT 882-4242 Thank You.
     
  8. christoff

    christoff LawnSite Member
    Posts: 139

    Ok I'm sorry, I put a bunch of ideas into it and should of had it A LOT more organized. That $30 part would be for specific houses, and yes that $30 was just an example. I like your idea Ground Control. Thanks for the input, and please keep it coming.
     
  9. christoff

    christoff LawnSite Member
    Posts: 139

    A little modification, l really like Joe's (Ground Control) idea.

    For a mail out it would looki like this
    Peninsula​
    Lawns​


    Peninsula Lawns, an experienced company based on the peninsula is currently expanding. From large acreage to small lawns, we do it all.

    We offer complete programs for your lawn that include regularly scheduled mowing, fertilizing, and aeration that will keep your lawn green and beautiful all year long.

    Other services we offer are edging of walks and drives and bed care. We can also custom tailor a program to best suit your needs.


    CALL TODAY TO SET UP YOUR APPOINTMENT
    882-4242

    and if I was to drop it off at someones house..

    Peninsula
    Lawns


    Peninsula Lawns, an experienced company based on the peninsula is currently expanding. From large acreage to small lawns, we do it all.

    We offer complete programs for your lawn that include regularly scheduled mowing, fertilizing, and aeration that will keep your lawn green and beautiful all year long.

    Other services we offer are edging of walks and drives and bed care. We can also custom tailor a program to best suit your needs.

    We have assessed your lawn and the basic program would be for the low price of $$$ (different for every house) per visit which includes mowing, including all string trimming, edging of all walks and drive, and blowing off of all curblines, driveways, sidewalks and entrances.

    CALL TODAY TO SET UP YOUR APPOINTMENT
    882-4242 ​

    I apologize for the long posts, one last question, is it bad that I have "Peninsula Lawns" twice, I mean as the first two things you read? Should I change the tilte?
     
  10. Mo Green

    Mo Green LawnSite Bronze Member
    Posts: 1,487

    That is better, but the grammer is still a bit shakey. Also, put a name to the penninsula.

    Should read:

    Pennisula Lawns, an experienced _______ Penninsula company, is seeking new customers. We provide quality care at affordable prices. From large acre lots to small single family homes, we do it all. We are a full service lawn contractor, and can provide the following services: basic lawn care, full service care, fertilizer and seeding programs, aeration, etc, etc......

    Any time you are listing services in a sentence, you need to seperate the services from the rest of the sentence with a colon.
     

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