Thank you letters to customers heres mine.

Dear,

It is indeed a pleasure to welcome you as a new customer of Eufaula’s Finest Lawn Service. I hope to please you always.
I attempt to show my appreciation for the business given me by rendering a service which is just a bit more than is expected. I am constantly on the alert to service your lawn with the finest quality possible. Therefore, no matter what service that I provide for you, I will make sure that it is done to the highest quality possible.
I sincerely hope that you are pleased in every respect in doing business with me. It shall be my endeavor at all times to see that you are entirely satisfied.

Sincerely,

 

Why not make it into a nice paragraph instead a bunch of single sentences? Have the first two sentences be by themselves, then have the rest be one paragraph underneath it.

You really scare me with "I hope to please you always". You sound like Yoda. Put "It is my mission to make sure that you're are as satisfied with your lawn service as possible." or something to that extent.

Instead of "a bit more then expected", how about just "more then expected"? (lose the bit part)

Lose "with the finest quality possible". You finish it in the next sentence.

Instead of "what service I provide for you", how about "what service I'm providing you with" (kind of a subliminal for reassurance of future dealings).. and, instead of "I will make sure" .. change to "You can be sure that it will be done to my exceedingly high standards"

Instead of "entirely satisifed" change to "completely and sincerely satisfied" (which gives the impression that #1, you WANT to make it perfect for them and #2, you will be approachable if something is not done to their expectations)

Just some suggestions.
stick-nINE

 

David,

Looks pretty good.

Suggestions:

"which is <b>just a bit</b> more than is expected"
-This contradicts "done to the highest quality possible"
If you are going to do the best quality humanly possible it better be a heck of a lot greater than just a bit more than expected.

-also. I think that you might be repeating yourself. It is obvious that you really want to hammer home how hard you will work to get their satisfaction. But stating it once will do.

<b>How about:</b>




Dear,

It is indeed a pleasure to welcome you as a new customer of Eufaula’s Finest Lawn Service.

I greatly appreciate your business, and I will make every effort to ensure that your experience with my company is a pleasurable one. I will strive to ensure that no matter what service my company provides for you, it will be performed with the highest level of quality. It shall be my endeavor to see that you are entirely satisfied at all times.

Thank you again for becoming a customer of Eufaula’s Finest Lawn Service. Please feel free to contact me with any questions you may have at (555) 555-1212.

 

Last guy ..

sounds good, but easy on the ensures

STICk-ninE

 

read it over a couple times too. Funny how you don't pick things up reading your own work, when other can right away!

 

Thank you all i am so glad we have this site to help each other out.

 

Dave..

What did you change your thank-you letter to? I'm curious to see after all the replies.

stiCK-NINE

 

Hey Dave, I met a guy from Eufala the other day. Drove a Ford dually and had a 72" Lazer with him. Seemd like a nice guy.

Homer

 

David, the name of the business was Nature Landscsapes.

Homer