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Update "Hows This?"

Discussion in 'Lawn Mowing' started by precisionlawn, Jan 23, 2003.

  1. precisionlawn

    precisionlawn LawnSite Senior Member
    Messages: 254

    I made a few changes here.

    Attached Files:

  2. Turfdude

    Turfdude LawnSite Bronze Member
    Messages: 1,899

    I think you should change this line
    Precision Lawn & Landscape is designed for your convenience and for your pocketbook’s safekeeping.
    to end ... for your convenience and budget.

    Also, I don't believe in giving 50% off any service, but if you do offer this,offer it on 2nd, or 3rd visit- so you can establish a relationship w/ the client. Too many guys get burned by doing this. Good luck.

  3. precisionlawn

    precisionlawn LawnSite Senior Member
    Messages: 254

    That sounds good. thanks
  4. lbmd1

    lbmd1 LawnSite Senior Member
    Messages: 462

    Your unconditional 100% money back guarantee could cost you big time. Say they have you mow their property for 26 weeks, then on the 27th week they say they are not happy and want their money back. Are your ready to refund them 26 weeks of mowing income? Because your ad says unconditional and money back, it might cost serious $$$. Even the masters of deception, Chem Lawn guarantee only offers a redo of that last application if someone complains. They don't refund the entire year of apps. Just thought you might rethink this line. There are all types out there and you have provided it in writing to them as well.

  5. fblandscape

    fblandscape Banned
    Messages: 776

    I know a company that offers the same thing... a 100% full money back refund if the customer is not happy for any reason with the work being done. The company does several millions of dollars a year in business. When somebody complains, they simply fix the mistake and get paid.
  6. Lawn Dog2001

    Lawn Dog2001 LawnSite Bronze Member
    Messages: 1,030

    Looks pretty good. But do yourself a favor and drop the money back gaurantee. Now matter how good you are, you can not please everybody. There will alway be a customer who refuses to be satisfied with anything you do. You will end up working for hours to fix a problem that doesnt even exsist, and then they may still want their money back. Remember you said "unconditional". You have a good promo here. But just dont let one thing you put in to attract customers, come back and bite you in the @$$.
  7. Clay

    Clay LawnSite Member
    Messages: 236

    Hey Jon,

    That's pretty good... Did you write that on your own or did you have some help? Do you have some marketing experience?

    Your 100% money back guarantee is your "Unique Selling Feature" .... I have done the same thing since 1984 and over 500 commercial and residential accounts without a single problem or regret.... so don't worry about offering it...

    Remember that the copy you write is insignificant if it does not "GET ATTENTION".... Do you understand that most people sort their mail over the round file cabinet (trash can)?

    The first step is to get it opened, then capture their attention enough to start reading.... How do you plan on sending this letter?

  8. Currier

    Currier LawnSite Senior Member
    Messages: 564

    You should check with Jim Lewis. He is on this site and has shown some excellent flyers in the past.
  9. Ed Ryder

    Ed Ryder LawnSite Senior Member
    Messages: 541

    The honest truth, from my standpoint: It's still terrible.

    ..."in need of two things to looks its best." should be "look"

    Sorry to be rough, but one mistake like that will make you look like an idiot.

    I think you should start over and see what else you can come up with. Or turn it over to someone else.

    It's got some bullshit in it. Pocketbook's safekeeping? Smart people see bullshit a mile away.

    It's vague: thousands of lawns over a few years?

    Your service is going to be a minimal hassle? My service is no hassle.

    If I were to grade it, Id give it a D. Well, okay I've seen a lot worse - a C minus. No better though. Before spending money on printing/copying, I'd try to come up with some other ideas.

    Start over completely. Something fresh and new. Consider a graphic too.
  10. SLS

    SLS LawnSite Bronze Member
    from Mars
    Messages: 1,540

    I would consider dropping a few things...such as:

    "If you, like most others, can't bear the thought of pushing the lawn mower around the yard."

    I highly recommend that you do not base your critical 'make or break' introduction on assumptions!

    Here you are assuming that the intended reader, and "most others", may be lazy, or unmotivated.

    At the very least you are assuming that the intended reader does not like to do lawn work.

    Most of my clients would love to mow their lawns, but due to time constrictions, or health conditions, they are not able to. For instance, most of my clients are widows and single women who either cannot mow their lawns...or do not have the time or inclination to keep, and mantain a mower. Those nasty smelling gas cans and grass stains...yuck. I also service a couple gentlemen who cannot mow their lawns any longer (heart problems) and I know they wish that they still could. Some people relish the thought of being able to be "pushing the lawnmower around the lawn"....and I would not want to remind them of why they cannot (health problems, deceased spouses, no free time, ect). Does this make any sense???

    In any case, I would avoid categorizing any potential clients, especially with my opening introduction.

    BTW: Just who are "most others" anyway??? ;)

    "Were previous lawn services unreliable? Unprofessional? Or just didn't meet your expectations? Precision Lawn & Landscape will cut your lawn professionally, on time and with a minimum hassle too you."

    Here, again we are assuming. We are assuming that the client has had a previous lawn service. Most of mine did not. And you DO NOT want to plant the seed in their head that dealing with a lawn service could, or can, be an unpleasant experience for them. Do not interject 'negative' thoughts or words into your introductory presentation...particularly by telling them that dealing with YOU will be a "minimum" hassle. As a potential client I expect ZERO hassles from a service provider...and honestly, I would write you off after reading that line. I would have to assume that you already have a track record of "minimum hassles" after I read that...I don't have time to (or cannot) mow my lawn...much less deal with any extra "hassles". See what I'm getting at?

    "Within the next couple of weeks your lawn will be in need of two things to looks its best:
    1. Dead winter grass should be cut away before the new grass emerges, by cutting the grass very short. (Scalping)"

    Another assumption. How do we know that their lawn has not already been scalped? I would drop this too. And the fert. part as well. You can sell yourself to a potential client on the details of what they need to do...once you have hooked them. Keep your introductory flyer short, and to the point. This "scalping and fert" portion comes across as a cold sales pitch. Like the chimney sweep who's trying to sell me his services...not knowing that I had my chimney cleaned and inspected just a couple of months ago.

    "Precision Lawn & Landscape is designed for your convenience and for your pocketbook's safekeeping. We are licensed and insured up to $500,000. Our reasonable rates do not require any tedious seasonal contracts. If for any reason you are not completely satisfied with our service we offer all our customers an Unconditional 100% Money Back Guarantee!"

    I would toss your flyer in the trash after reading this part. Let's face it,...I know...and YOU know, that you sent me this flyer with one thing in mind...and thats to GET INTO MY POCKETBOOK. I don't like being 'schmoozed'...and you probably do not either. You are a complete stranger telling me that you set up your business to look after my "pocketbook's safekeeping"??? NO WAY, JOSE! I ain't buying it..and I ain't hiring you now. You are trying to 'snow' me with your concern for my financial well-being. Uh oh! What else are you going to bull s**t me about to get into my pocket?

    Besides, I'm a man who keeps his money in a wallet...not a pocketbook. I do not recommend assuming, or casting, gender-evoking words when it comes to potential clients.

    Wise business people will probably think that stating the amount on the insurance is a bit overboard. Just let them know that you are insured...and let them assume the amount (unless they ask). Who knows???...they may assume that you have the standard $1,000,000 liability policy. :)

    "Tedious Seasonal Contracts" are not considered 'tedious' by everyone. In fact, some clients prefer to make advance payments, or be billed a monthly fee, because of budgeting. Some of my clients consider 'pay as you go' (and making repetitive weekly payments) as tedious. I would suggest leave your options open on this one. Be flexable about billing-payment policy...clients appreciate flexability. :)

    The "Unconditional 100% Money Back Guarantee" could be construed as a good 'sales pitch'...but it also sets you up for getting hosed. Believe me, there are some folks out there that thrive on milking services....by complaining for no reason JUST TO GET A FREEBIE. You decide.

    "My company, Precision Lawn & Landscape, has mowed thousands of lawns in the past few years."

    As stated above, this is vagueness. And vagueness causes people to question the statement. I feel that you may be better served by stating "Precision Lawn & Landscape has been providing quality service since 19XX"... or something to that effect. The potential client will know/assume that if you have been in business for several years then surely you have performed plenty of satisfactory jobs for other people. Maybe you should also consider adding "References Available Upon Request". That is SOLID. That's way more effective than the vague 'thousands of lawns' approach.

    Strip it down. State your services. Make it look good. Keep it real simple and QUICK to read.

    You will have plenty of time to get into details...when they start calling you! :D

    Good luck!

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